Value and the VCR

Newspaper adds won't let you sell your dog for free, cause they know that people who don't pay for a dog are more likely to abuse it. Usually people think this is the case because the cost deters abusive people from buying. But I think in addition to this, I think the act of paying for the dog in and of itself makes them less likely to abuse it. Through paying for the dog, they value the dog.

I once read a story about a man who lived next to a fork in the road. His wife began to yell at him for all the junk he'd collected over the years, so he decided to get rid of it. He stacked up all the junk along the roadside and put up a sign that said "take whatever you want."

The next day he checked the pile and it was untouched. He thought it was strange that no one was taking the free stuff....there were couches, car parts etc. It was valuable stuff....he just couldn't keep it anymore.

After a week had passed with no one taking anything the man decided to try something new. He put up a sign that said "everything on sale for 1 dollar."

He sold everything in a day.

There is something fundamentally important about paying for what you get. Either through time, money, work, whatever. When we give something to get something we value it...when we don't (if it's a hand out)...it means very little.

In this story people were excited to pay so little and get so much, but to pay nothing made them suspicious. When the price tag was nothing, they esteemed the goods as nothing.

But I think there is a caveat to this. When it comes to interactions with people, whether it's kindness, love, whatever..you shouldn't pay...at least not with money. In those situations it's best to give of a similar thing in yourself. The principle still applies (that you should give something to get something or you won't value it), but it's important that you give the proper thing in the proper way....if you don't it's offensive.

I recently had a somewhat funny experience that demonstrates this.

I have a friend who loves to watch American Idol. They were unable to watch old episodes because they had an old TV that only had a coaxial connection. They came to me and described their problem. I told them that I have an old VCR collecting dust in my closet and that they could use it/have it, cause I doubted I'd ever use it again. It was a brand new VCR, I can't even remember why I bought it in the first place.

Anyway, the friend took the VCR and said thank you. They offered to pay me for it but I insisted that it was a gift.

A few months later this same friend needed a favor from me. I said I'd be glad to help. I ended up spending about 4 hours fixing something for them, and when I was done the friend offered to pay me. I really didn't help the person expecting anything, so I once again refused and said "it's not a problem, I'm just glad to help."

A few weeks later I ran into this friend again and they tried to pay me once more. I tried to put it off, I said I was glad to help, and that the VCR was a gift, and that I didn't want this person's money. But, the person wouldn't let the idea rest and I eventually relented.

They asked how much I wanted and I said "it really was a gift, but if you must pay me then pay whatever you want."

They wrote a check and as they were writing they said "I also included some money for the VCR." I reminded them that it was a gift but I was done arguing.

I put the check into my pocket and I didn't look at it cause I figured it would be rude. I talked with the person for a while longer and then they were on their way. When they left I checked the check.

On the memo it said "for services and VCR." On the amount line it said 15 bucks. I was shocked. I had done something nice, and I felt good about doing something nice for someone. But they insisted I be paid, and they took my kindness and made it business. I didn't want to do that, but if they insisted I wasn't going to argue. But to value 4 hours of my life, combined with a brand new VCR at 15 dollars was ridiculous. I was bought out. My kindness was taken, and all for a few bucks.

I have charged for the service I provided before and in the past I had made about 150 bucks for an hour. This time I got 15 bucks...and that was for 4 hours....and it included a VCR!

So, what happened here? Well, I think there are some things...especially things like favors and kindness, that shouldn't ever be quantified. Putting a dollar price tag on the junk gave it value, but the kind interactions we have with each other shouldn't be quantified with cash. Putting a price on that actually diminished the value. So, I guess it's just the opposite. The only way to show how you feel about a kindness is through caring for that person and through being willing to return the favor.

To drive this point home...think about how messed up it would be to assign value to love. What if you dropped a girl off and gave her a goodnight kiss, and then you said "thanks, I had a great time tonight. Here's 3 bucks."

She should slap you. And why? 3 bucks is a good thing right?

The problem is that something special was shared, and it was cheapened by the exchange of money.

So, I guess all of these loose ends tied together goes as follows. We should give something to get something, because if we don't we don't value it. But, what we give should be of the same type as what we get. When dealing with things cash works fine. But with people it is important to give kindness for kindness, and love for love. As we give back properly for what we get, we'll be fulfilled and truly appreciate the value of what we have.

And now I better go.