Update

Hey Everyone,

Okay, here is a little update on everything. But, before I get too far, here's another song that the Munchkin recorded. You can listen to it while you read :) The song is called Before He Cheats.

With that settled, I'll begin my update. First, here are a few things I've been thinking about lately (in no particular order).

Evolution:
Okay, lately I've been wondering how herbivores evolved into carnivores.

I mean, the first meat eater had to have been a total jerk. Think about it, you got happy herbivores everywhere, eating plants, living in peace and harmony and all that...basically, the earth was filled with a bunch of hippy dinsoaurs (or whatever they were before dinosaurs). And that was the way to do it to...cause everywhere you looked there was food just lying on the ground (tree stars!) waiting to be eaten.... and the plant food had the definite advantage of not trying to run away from you. So, why did animals start eating meat? I've really been trying to figure this one out.

I think it's possible that there was scarcity of plants so one guy said "hey, I can't eat plants cause there aren't any plants...so I'm gonna eat uncle Frank." Or maybe some creature ate another creature's plants and the second creature said "hey, you ate my plants, I will eat you then, and in so doing, by the law of transitivity, I will also eat my plants...after all if A eats B, and B eats C, then if A eats B, A eats C (where I'm A and my plants are C and B is the jerk of a friend that ate my dinner)" (I'm quite sure the pre-historic animal said it just that way).

Maybe there was just an animal that was a total jerk. He might have started eating his friends for the fun of it. But what would that thought process have been? I mean, that creature was doing something never done before. What made him look at another creature and think "food!"

Eating meat really is harder, and it's wasteful. It's harder because the food runs away from you, and it's wasteful because your food requires plant life to sustain it...and the amount of plant life your food requires is disproportionate (in over all calories) to the amount of meat you get killing it. It makes better sense to just go to the source and eat the plants. Besides, becoming a carnivore makes you dependent on herbivores (or weak carnivores). Why create a dependency if you're doing fine eating plants? And if you're doing fine eating plants...why evolve?

I realize that meat eaters create a balance in the ecosystem, and they're needed to keep certain groups in check...I just can't figure out how that necessary part of the system would evolve... cause one of the necessities of evolution (if it is in fact evolution instead of devolution) is that it benefits the creature evolving...that's how it works. Just because it's convenient for the eco-system to have carnivores doesn't mean carnivores will evolve. Evolution works by advancing the individual, and thereby advancing the eco-system, not the other way around. So, while having carnivores is a good thing, I don't see how that step in evolution would happen naturally.

So, how did this happen? As I see it, if we can't prove there is a benefit to the creature, then all we can say is that meat eaters are the descendants of some really sick and twisted hardcore herbivores. Or, if we can think of a reason, and meat eating is helpful, we need to write that reason down and tell PETA to shut up and stop sending us their videos.

Anyway, I'm sure biologists have an answer for all this. If you know what it is please let me know.

Well, enough of that, the next thing I've been wondering about is "what is the worst possible thing you can say to encourage small-talk on a date." I often wonder about things like this. I figure there are only so many wrong things you can say (eliminating redundant rephrases), so it's best to figure them all out. Hopefully, once I figure out everything I shouldn't say, I'll be able to start saying the things I should say. Fingers crossed. Anyway, here is (in my humble opinion) the worst thing you can possibly say on a date.

Actually, before I get too far I better clarify and say that what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about the slight and innocuous open-ended questions guys always seem to ask on dates. You know the ones I'm talking about. Those questions that are sorta stupid but make people talk about themselves--the kind they always ask on dating shows. These questions are normally used because 1) you learn about the other person 2) most people like to talk about themselves 3) it's a subject the person is hopefully an expert on so you can't disagree about their answers and 4) it causes the person to loosen up.

Unfortunately (or more accurately, fortunately), I'm really bad at asking these questions (mostly because I feel they're pretty dumb). I mean, think about it...how many times have you been on a date where someone asked you something like "if you were an animal what animal would you be, and why?" or "if you could have any superpower what would it be, and why?" or "if you were starving in the desert with three of your friends, which factor would you use to determine who you would eat first to survive?" (okay, I made that last one up, you don't hear that one very often...hopefully.)

Okay, with that said you now know the scope of the question. Cause without that qualification the worst thing you could say on a date would probably be something like "I kidnapped your brother and he's in my trunk" or "I once killed a man just to watch him die."

So, without further ado...here is the worst thing you can ask a date to encourage smalltalk....

"What aspect of your appearance are you most self-conscious about."

Isn't that positively atrocious? This is the perfect horrible question. I think if scientists wanted to study the worst thing you could ever say in smalltalk, they'd come up with this. I mean, think about it. You're trying to make the person comfortable, and get them to open up, and you do this by drawing out the part of their appearance they feel worst about. To make this question even worse you need to agree with whatever they say...and make sure to get caught starting at that feature the rest of the date.

A close second to that first horrible question is this:

"What do you most hate talking about on a date...and please tell me why in excruciating detail."

Anyway, don't say those things. I realize that open ended questions are kinda lame. I've talked with girls that have told me some of the questions guys have asked them on dates. Every time I hear one a part of me dies inside. I then say to myself, "Why can't we do better? Why do we keep recycling this stuff? Why do we pretend that these silly questions are quirky, charming, and insightful?" We need to avoid generic questions and ask questions that are appropriate for the person we're with...this is much more honest and interesting.

Oh well, if you can think of more awkward open-ended questions, that you have either asked, or been asked, please post them in a comment.

And the last thing that has been on my mind is the political correctness of calling someone "retarded." I'm going to handle this topic by sharing a discussion I had with one of my roommates. Now, as you read this, please keep in mind that in this discussion I'm not really representing my views. I was just arguing the wrong side of the argument cause it was harder, more interesting, and I was annoyed with the self-righteousness of the guy on the right side of the argument.

So, here's what happened. I have a roommate who works with disabled kids. One of my roommates (roommate 2) called something retarded and the first roommate got all sanctimonious and said "please don't use that word, for some of us it is quite offensive." When roommate 2 heard this he got quiet and apologized. I decided to step in for him. This is how the conversation went....

Roommate 1: please don't use that word, for some of us it's quite offensive"

Me: why?

Roommate 1: because it has come to mean other things in society, negative things. So it's offensive to people who are disabled.

Me: oh, I see. You realize of course that the word retarded and functionally challenged, or disabled have the same original meaning. When you're using one of the new politically correct terms all you're doing is using more words to say the same thing.

Roommate 1: yeah, I know, but since the other word has come to mean something else it has become offensive.

Me: why don't you use it the right way and take the word back? I mean, it seems kinda wasteful to say "functionally challenged" when retarded is a simpler, faster, and an overall better word. If you think about how the word became bad, it was because there is a stigma placed on people who are disabled--that they're bad. When you don't want to use the word, you agree with them. It's because of people like you, who deep down agree that it is horrible to be disabled, that the word isn't used anymore. If you didn't agree with them, the word would have no power. So don't be such a hypocrite, call people "retarded" and show those kids you work with that there is nothing to be ashamed about...the word is only as strong as your prejudices.


Roommate 1: well, I've never really thought about it that way.

Me: well you should. Calling someone retarded is only bad if being retarded is bad. And I've heard you tell me how the kids you work with are amazing, and smart, and better than everyone else. If you really believe that then calling someone retarded should be a term of endearment. I mean, if you wanted to make the word "intelligent" an insult, how would you do it? Well, you'd have to start using the word in a negative way. You'd have to be mad at me or something, and clearly trying to insult me, and then say "you're a jerk and you're intelligent." At that point I'd say "thanks"...cause to me there is nothing wrong with being intelligent. You see, the reason "retarded" is considered a bad word is because of people like you who look down on retarded people.

At this point that first self-righteous roommate tried to show me that he wasn't a jerk by letting me know that he sometimes called people retarded when he was really mad. This is when I realized that my work was done and I went back to my room.

Of course, I agree that using the word retarded to describe someone is bad, and I totally took the wrong side in that argument (as I admitted before you read it). But you gotta admit that that first roommate was pretty self-righteous...and on top of that he scratched one of my CDs.

In other news my Thanksgiving was awesome. It was really great to spend the day in a family environment...and my friend Becca has a wonderful family. They were so nice! When I was there I felt like family (even better than how the Olive Garden does it).

The only really awkward part about the whole thing was right when I got there. I sat down and the dad said "we've heard a lot about you, Becca says you're the smartest person she knows." I didn't know how to respond to that, and I certainly didn't know how to live up to that. Luckily, by the end of the night the pressure was off...and they were probably thinking Becca needed to meet more people.

We had a wonderful turkey with all the other traditional Thanksgiving things...all of them prepared lovingly by the ladyfolk. Then they all sat down and ate. Afterward, all the guys did the cleaning. I was the official plate drier. Unfortunately, it takes less time to dry a plate than it does to wash it so I spent a great deal of time sitting with a towel in my hand waiting for something to do. But man, those were some nicely dried plates.

I got home from the Thanksgiving thing at around 11. When I got home I found out that John ended up doing nothing for Thanksgiving. I felt pretty horrible. Earlier I had asked him what he was going to do and he said he didn't know, but I didn't know that meant he'd do nothing. He seemed totally cool with the idea but I felt like a horrible roommate. I told him he should have said something, but he really seemed like he really didn't care. After all, he did have things to do--the world of Final Fantasy won't save itself. I offered him a bit of cheesecake to make things better, but I should probably do something more.

Well, this post is getting long. I hope you're all doing well and that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

We're in the Christmas season!!!