Movie Reviews

Due to my close attachment to many Twilight fans, I am aware that the sequel to the original film has a midnight showing tonight. In honor of this event, I am going to post a few of this film's best reviews. Enjoy!

"A juvenile, overly dramatic love story that takes the Romeo and Juliet theme, duct tapes it around a giant, cartoonish hammer, and slams it into your head for 130 minutes."

"It’s slow and not particularly fulfilling -- a half-an-hour or so of drama stretched out for about two. "

"The most surprising thing about New Moon, the second film in the Twilight series, is how much worse it is than the first."

'Parents: If I can (poorly) discipline a 16-year-old cat to not howl before sunrise, you can teach your kids to not emulate Bella Swan."

"Never has a man's shirtlessness been so essential to a character's development."

"Considering Lautner's acting improved so much sans shirt, I wonder if there might have been Oscar buzz had he taken off his pants"

"Watching Twilight Saga: New Moon is a bit like having your own real-life sulky teenager living under your roof . . ."

"Extreme moping by hollow actors makes the film feel like it stars robots stuck on their 'Emo' setting."

"Bella Cullen. Mrs. Edward Cullen. Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cullen. Ms. Bella Cullen. Mrs. Jacob Black. Jacob and Bella Black. Mrs. Bella Black. Ms. Bella Swan Black. Mrs. Bella Swan Cullen."

(I had to have this last one explained to me. As it turns out, women often think of what their name would sound like if they married the person they like/love. So they write out their name or say it out loud combined with the surname of their paramour. Sounds strange, but I'm not going to call my friend a liar.)

*****

So, for all you off to see it...Enjoy! And guys, if you are dragged kicking and screaming to see this movie you might want to take a Tamoxifen pill before you go (it's an estrogen blocker*).

*it is relatively safe for men to take estrogen blockers. Men produce about 1/10 the estrogen pre-menopausal women produce. Think how manly you'll be when you get rid of that estrogen. Also, by my calculations, on this pill you'll be about 1/10th better at parallel parking, getting ready fast, and formal logic (just kidding....sorta).