Seltzer, Perfume, and Dorian Gray

Not sure what I'm gonna post on really, just thought I'd write a bit.

Let's see. Well, I just read the Wikipedia page on Seltzer water. Last night I was at a place where the person with me ordered a drink that was described as having Selzter water in it. They asked what Selzter water actually was, and I told them I thought it meant carbonated, but I wasn't sure if I was right.

Well, here's the scoop. Seltzer water is carbonated water. We silly Americans used to call seltzer water carbonated water, and sometimes we'd call it "2 cents plain" (cause it was the cheapest soda you could get), but in the 1950s we started calling it Seltzer water...which is sorta like calling all tissues "Kleenex" and all ropes Lariats (both are trade names...not item names).

So, Seltzer is the genericized tradename for carbonated water, and the tradename comes from the little town of Selters in Germany where there used to be prolific trade of carbonated water during the 18th century.

Bet you were just dying to know all that. Thank goodness for Wikipedia.

Let's see, what else. Well, I went kite flying last night. It had been about a year (actually it was 1 year in April). I forgot how much fun that can be. It was really windy so the kite was zipping across the sky really fast. Good times. Let's see...what else.

Oh, and a fun thing to do (and I did this for the first time yesterday) is to talk to the perfume/cologne salespeople at the mall. They are hilarious. I think the commission thing makes them a bit greedy, and because of this, they agree with whatever you say( so you'll buy something) ...and this results in good times for all.

What you gotta do is talk to them like you're a connoisseur of perfumes and they get all excited and talk the biz with you. All you need to do is smell something and say something like "oh yes, this is quite an urban scent"....they'll unpack their adjectives immediately and share with you all the emotion, mystery, romance, and grandeur of that particular scent (as is revealed in the complimentary packaging).

The thing you need to remember is that whenever you compare a scent to some unrelated thing it makes whatever you say about that scent profound. For example, you can say something like "this scent smells like summers from my childhood" (I tried that one). When you do this they know they're dealing with a real pro.

When I said that the girl took my nonsense and ran with it. She was very animated as she explained to me the magical process by which the manufacturer of that particular cologne captured an abstract notion from my childhood and placed it in an alcohol base. It was amazing. And who wouldn't want to buy a concretized memory from their childhood for 30 bucks an ounce?

They'll agree with whatever you say about the product. Talking to these people is one of the greatest exercises in creative language (and B.S.) that you'll ever have. The salespeople B.S. all day so you gotta really bring your "A" game to discuss the intricacies of the perfumes at their level...but it's totally worth it.

Here are a few catchphrases that I found work well:

1) Oh, that's a very light scent!
2) That scent is very similar to a perfume called....oh what's the name....(they say something).....then you agree with them excitedly.
3) Really? What an amazing deal!
4) Do you have a scent more appropriate for (name some activity).
5) I would like a scent that will distinguish me. I don't want to be an Aqua Di Jio sorta guy, everyone wears that! Aren't you just sick of it?
6) Then of course, as mentioned before, just compare any scent to something positive...like sunshine, water, spring mornings, the pavement after it rains...anything. It's all deep and wonderful (the word for this sort of comparison is synesthesia...good vocab word).

Anyway, that's a fun activity. Try it sometime. And a word of caution...make sure you laugh after you're done talking with them.

Let's see...what else. Well, recently I re-read "A Portrait of Dorian Gray." I'm still not sure how I feel about that book. On the one hand I really don't like the story, but on the other the writing is beautiful. Oscar Wilde is a genius. He was a really witty, flamboyant, life of the party type.

But....he was also an immoral man. The unfortunate thing is he made immorality sound so cool. Here are a few things I copied down as I read the book this last time.

1) Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one.

2) She is a peacock in everything but beauty.

3) The highest and the lowest form of criticism is a mode of autobiography.

4) Those who find beautiful meanings in beautiful things are the cultivated. For these there is hope.

5) Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming. This is a fault. (sorta implying that it's fine to be corrupt if you are charming...).

6) There is no such thing as a moral or immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written. That is all.

7) Beauty, real beauty, ends where an intellectual expression begins. Intellect is in itself a mode of exaggeration, and destroys the harmony of any face.

8) There is a fatality about all physical and intellectual distinction, the sort of fatality that seems to dog through history the faltering steps of kings. It is better not to be different from one's fellows. The ugly and the stupid have the best of it in this world...they live as we all should live, undisturbed, indifferent, and without disquiet. They neither bring ruin upon others, nor ever receive it from alien hands.

9) One charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties.

10) I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their good intellects. A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies. I have not got one who is a fool. They are all men of some intellectual power, and consequently they all appreciate me. Is that very vain of me?

11) What you have told me is quite a romance, and the worst of having a romance of any kind is that it leaves one so unromantic.

12) The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

Anyway, that's just the first chapter. Isn't that fun stuff to read? Too bad the message doesn't match the delivery. If Oscar Wilde had been a moral man, if he could have conveyed a strong and true message with his wit, he could have done so much for literature. As it stands he's a brilliant writer, but sadly, he never realized his potential.

Anyway, that's just a few random things. Hope you're all doing well.