Friendship

Yesterday someone in my ward asked me if I'd give them a ride home. I said sure and we started walking to my car. As we were walking she mentioned 3 different friends and she referred to all of them as her "best friend." I of course asked her how she had more than 1 best friend. She said "well, they're best friends from different times in my life." So, I was curious as to whether or not best friends get replaced. From the way she spoke about them it sounded like best friends are always best friends, they just retire or go inactive or something.

She didn't answer if best friends get replaced. Instead she avoided the need to answer that question by saying that it's possible to have more than 1 best friend.

I wasn't sure how that was possible, so I asked her to describe the relationship she had with her best friends.

Now, as far as I could tell, what she referred to as a best friend is what I refer to as a friend.

So, this is what I'm thinking...I think there is such a thing as "friend inflation."

This is how it works. Everyone these days uses the word friend too liberally. A friend is a big deal, it's a person that is a part of your life, that you get excited to see, someone you take pains to see. An acquaintance on the other hand is someone that you enjoy to be around but aren't committed to in any way. Acquaintances are pleasant, but they're not really an integral part of your life. You could not see them again, and although you'd be sad, there wouldn't be a mourning period (and if there was it wouldn't be very long).

So, how did this inflation start? Personally I blame Facebook. Some people have over 1,000 friends. That's just not possible. You can have that many acquaintances, but there isn't enough time in a year to be a true friend to that many people. We all seem to throw around that word so much (because it is a compliment to call someone your friend) that we've diminished the word (the inflation part). So, to compensate we've all made up new words to describe our actual friends. This is why this girl was saying "best friend." She needed a word to differentiate the people she really cared about from all the acquaintances she calls friends.

I don't know how far this trend is gonna go. Maybe someday I'll have to refer to my friends as "super duper bestest friend even if I live a million years." But that is kinda laborious. I think we should just have a friend recession, use the word less frequently, and then maybe return to using it in it's original meaning.

I do believe best friends exist, but these aren't people that you meet very often. I think someone is very lucky if they have one best friend in a lifetime. I'm talking about someone that really brightens your life, has been a part of your life for years. This is someone that not only says they'll be for you....but someone that has been there for you. This is the type of friendship rooted in genuine love. Where you both honestly care about each other in a way that isn't selfish, in a way that isn't needy....you just care about the person as if they were an end in themselves.

I don't think many people are capable of the purest form of friendship because, to be honest, this type of friendship is rooted in being a good person. But not only that, it requires a sort of self-reflection. It requires you to be aware of the good in you and the good in that other person, and how the two are complimentary, and how both your lives are enriched by the association.

How many people do you know like that? If you do have multiple friends of that type you're the luckiest person I can imagine. And if you do have many friends like that make sure you treat them well. True friendship is a gift, and sadly, it's a gift that (if unappreciated) diminishes.

That's an interesting thing about caring about things. To care about something isn't merely to desire it...it's to also be aware that you desire it. Caring is self-reflective. It is possible to spend a lot of quality time with someone, love their companionship more than anything, and never realize what they mean to you. This often happens when the relationship ends in some way. I know I've made this mistake in the past. It's really a curious thing. This is the problem of not caring. You see, it's possible to have all the materials of an ideal relationship, but if both people don't recognize that the materials are there, if they don't reflect on them and savor their connection in their mind....if they don't identify and label the relationship, and then takes steps to cultivate it...then the relationship isn't anything more than a mere acquaintance.

It's sorta strange that true friendship is a sort of fabricated thing. Of course it starts naturally, but it's not a friendship in the strongest sense until someone recognizes it for what it is, becomes self reflective, and then actively seeks to develop that relationship in a positive way.

Anyway, I just don't think with the way we use the "friendship" is very good. I think it gives us all a false sense of having many friends and it causes us to not reach out for friendship in the highest sense. I am pretty sure the highest sense of friendship is true charity, and it's also the type of relationship one would hope to have with the person they marry. This type of friendship can weather anything...it's rare, but then again so are most truly good things.

Speaking about good friends right now really makes me miss Garett. He was a true friend in the highest sense. I don't expect to have many opportunities to meet someone like him ever again. He really taught me what it means to be a good friend. I'll always love him for that.

True friendship is sacred. Never take it for granted.

Have a great day!