Library

Crazy I know...two posts in one day. I just wanted to write this down as it's happening.

I'm in the library right now. I'm sitting next to the stairwell....it has amazing acoustics. There is a girl in the stairwell talking on the phone. She is talking very loud....and her conversation is traveling much farther than she's aware.

Right now everyone can hear everything she says. It all started about 5 minutes ago. She said "James is a good guy, he liked me but I wasn't into him. You should look up his Facebook page. It's not private or anything. I know right? I like it when guys don't have their pages private. Hahaha! Look at his pictures. I'd really like to set you up with him."

Since this was so loud I looked up and noticed that everyone else was listening. There are 4 or 5 tables of people right now listening to every ridiculously loud word this girl says (at least 30 people). And we're all talking about it. It's really sort of amazing. It's like this girl shattered social norms, cause normally we'd all be studying and not look up (or talk to each other). Maybe everyone needs a break.

We all started talking after she said "He's a vegetarian but he's not gay." This made me laugh and I laughed loudly. Everyone looked at me (and everyone obviously heard her too) and they all started laughing.

She kept on describing the guy and one guy chimed in a few tables over and said "come on girls this James guy sounds like quite a catch. He's a vegetarian and he's not gay, that's really rare here."

Some of the girls laughed and they said "yeah, we really should meet this guy."

The girl kept on talking loudly. She has said that she's tired of guys not liking her because they're intimidated by her intelligence, beauty, and ambition. I have seen this girl and I contest at least 2 of her premises.

She has said that some guy named Brian looks good without his shirt on.

She has said that she's been feeling fatter lately but she weighs the same on the scale.

The rest of the conversation is pretty normal.....other than the broadcasting it across half the library part.

I guess the take home message....be careful how loud you talk on your cell phone in public places.

Oh, and I just had a professor say something funny. He said "talking about grades is like talking about sex--everyone gets uncomfortable and no one seems to want to do it."

I like similes like I like sunshine.

Pop Quiz

In school they often give pop quizzes. This shouldn't be possible, but it happens all the time. Why can't we have pop quizzes? Well, because it results in the hangman's paradox.

Here is how it goes:
The teacher says "I am going to give you a pop quiz sometime this week. You'll have a test, but I will only give you the test on a day when it will surprise you."

So, we know we'll be given a test but we don't know the day.

Lets figure out what day it could be.

Well, we know we can't have the test on Friday. Because if the test is on Friday we'd know the test would be that day, because it's the only day left in the week. And since we were told the test would be on a day we wouldn't expect (or know) there would be a test, the test can't be on Friday.

Thursday:
What would we know on Thursday? Well, on Thursday we'd know that we didn't take the test on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, and we'd still know there could be no test on Friday... so the only day we could have the test would be on Thursday, but since we'd know that Thursday was the only day we could have the test, we can't have the test Thursday.

Wednesday:
On Wednesday I'd know that there was no test on Monday and Tuesday (cause I didn't take the test yet), I already have proven that it can't be Thursday or Friday, so the only day it could be is Wednesday, but since I know it's Wednesday there can't be any test that day.

Tuesday and Monday:
The logic can be repeated as it was on Thursday and Wednesday, and it can go on forever. So rather than write it out again, just repeat the previous arguments.

Anyway, we now know that there is no way to give a pop quiz during the week.

But this shouldn't work. There are a lot of articles that have been written about this problem, but no one has solved it. If the argument is formalized it is valid (some people say the paradox comes from the impossibility of formalizing this argument).

What we do know is this shouldn't work. There is either a weakness in our language, in logic, or in formalizing the sentences in logic....cause this argument comes out with the conclusion that there can be no quiz, but it's possible to give a quiz on any given day and surprise someone.

The trick happens when you make the leap from Friday to Thursday. There is something wrong with this leap, something about what you can know at some time and then inferring what you can know at another time. What's strange is that this even works with two days. If you only have Thursday and Friday you can still say "I can't take the test Friday so I have to take the test today, but if I have to take it today I can't take it today."

Anyway, something to think about. Next time you're told about a pop quiz tell the teacher that that's impossible.

Snoring

I am so tired this morning. I've been sleeping better, but last night I got about 1 hour of sleep, and it's all my roommates fault.

Last night he snored so bad sleep was impossible. I tried everything, but nothing worked. Here's what went down.

It's 1 o'clock. I decide I should go to bed. I listen to John snore. His snoring is extremely loud considering his size, and it's very insistent (it's like he's snoring with exclamation points)... I decide to count his snores instead of counting sheep. He was snoring 27 snores per minute. His snores were very consistent in their sound. He sounded sorta of like a bear. Not a bear roaring or anything cool....no, not that. He sounded more like the way a bear sounds in a movie when it breaks into someone's camp and it's rifling through their food as they're away for a walk. It's the muffled-guttural- eating-grunting-snorting sound.

After about an hour of watching the clock and listening to John I decide to see if I can disturb him a little bit so he wakes up partially--thereby ending his snoring.

This trick used to work on my mission. Back then I had a companion with a horrible snoring problem. We learned that if he turned over his snoring would go away. So, what we'd do is this: when he was snoring really loud I'd yell out "TURN!" and he'd roll over in his sleep and the sound would go away. It worked perfectly.

Anyway, I tried this with John. I said "booglie booglie" (I don't know any cool phrases to wake people up) but he stayed asleep.

I coughed, he stayed asleep.

I started freestyle rapping, but he stayed asleep (bet you weren't expecting that one).

I eventually decided to have fun and I started mimicking his sounds so he could hear how ridiculous he sounded. It went like this....


John: snnnaaaaahhhhhh

me: snnnaaaaahhhhhh

John: snnnccccchhhccchc

me: snnncccchhhccchc

And so on. (this was a direct transcript).

After a while it began to be sort of fun, and I think I even started a few of the sounds and it almost sounded like he fell in line and copied me.

Next I decided to talk to him, and let his snores answer. It went like this.

Me: How do you feel about Kant's transcendental deduction?

John: hhhhnnnnnnhhssss

Me: I agree. On another topic. Please describe how you feel about that girl you went dancing with?

John: hhhnnnnssschchchc

Me: Really? You think she's got a boyfriend? I'm sorry bro.

John: whhshhhhhhh

Me: What? You ate an entire wheel of cheese? No, I'm not mad, I'm impressed.

John: gghhhhhhhhhsw

Me: Hey, that's a bit below the belt. Please keep this conversation clean.

John: yhhhhnnnnschchch

Me: Okay, that's it, this conversation is over.

It is now about 3 in the morning. I decide I need to listen to music to fall asleep. But, the problem is that Johns snoring was louder than what I could listen to comfortably. If I turned the music up loud enough so that I wouldn't hear him, it was too loud for me to fall asleep.

I try to get his snoring to sync up with the music so his snores hit on the downbeats (he was snoring pretty regular)

...when I finally got music to sync up to the music (it worked surprisingly well) he changed his pace, turned over, and started a new pattern. Well played sir. Totally didn't see that one coming.

Now he went through a period of time where he started snoring inconsistently. Such a tease. I'd start to sleep when I got used to the rhythm...and then he'd change the pace. I would get used to the new pace....and then he'd change it again.

I look at the clock. 4 now. Still not a bit of sleep.

Now I'm at the point of resignation. I decide to feel sorry for myself. I think about how bad the next day will go. I cycled through some things I've been thinking about.

I thought about all of the typos and repetition of my last post (and cleaned it up, it's worth reading now).

I decided to count to distract myself. I didn't want to count sheep (so cliche)....so I decided to count Panzer tanks. Then I thought about counting wool coats (sorta like sheep). But then I went with realism and I decided to count snoring people.

I eventually got to bed at about 5 or 6. But, because John went to bed at 8, he woke up around 7:30. So, his morning shuffle woke me up.

Now I'm in class with a sleep hangover. But, even half asleep I am annoyed with this professor. He just said "what is eschatology." Everyone didn't know (and I was busy blogging so I couldn't answer), and he then said "It's the study of origin stories."

This man has his PhD! His definition could not be more incorrect. Eschatology is the study of the end of time, it's the study of religious literature predicting the end of the world. I think he was looking for the word etiology, but I'm not sure.

Well, I'm gonna see if I can get a little sleep in this class. Goodnight.

Value and the VCR

Newspaper adds won't let you sell your dog for free, cause they know that people who don't pay for a dog are more likely to abuse it. Usually people think this is the case because the cost deters abusive people from buying. But I think in addition to this, I think the act of paying for the dog in and of itself makes them less likely to abuse it. Through paying for the dog, they value the dog.

I once read a story about a man who lived next to a fork in the road. His wife began to yell at him for all the junk he'd collected over the years, so he decided to get rid of it. He stacked up all the junk along the roadside and put up a sign that said "take whatever you want."

The next day he checked the pile and it was untouched. He thought it was strange that no one was taking the free stuff....there were couches, car parts etc. It was valuable stuff....he just couldn't keep it anymore.

After a week had passed with no one taking anything the man decided to try something new. He put up a sign that said "everything on sale for 1 dollar."

He sold everything in a day.

There is something fundamentally important about paying for what you get. Either through time, money, work, whatever. When we give something to get something we value it...when we don't (if it's a hand out)...it means very little.

In this story people were excited to pay so little and get so much, but to pay nothing made them suspicious. When the price tag was nothing, they esteemed the goods as nothing.

But I think there is a caveat to this. When it comes to interactions with people, whether it's kindness, love, whatever..you shouldn't pay...at least not with money. In those situations it's best to give of a similar thing in yourself. The principle still applies (that you should give something to get something or you won't value it), but it's important that you give the proper thing in the proper way....if you don't it's offensive.

I recently had a somewhat funny experience that demonstrates this.

I have a friend who loves to watch American Idol. They were unable to watch old episodes because they had an old TV that only had a coaxial connection. They came to me and described their problem. I told them that I have an old VCR collecting dust in my closet and that they could use it/have it, cause I doubted I'd ever use it again. It was a brand new VCR, I can't even remember why I bought it in the first place.

Anyway, the friend took the VCR and said thank you. They offered to pay me for it but I insisted that it was a gift.

A few months later this same friend needed a favor from me. I said I'd be glad to help. I ended up spending about 4 hours fixing something for them, and when I was done the friend offered to pay me. I really didn't help the person expecting anything, so I once again refused and said "it's not a problem, I'm just glad to help."

A few weeks later I ran into this friend again and they tried to pay me once more. I tried to put it off, I said I was glad to help, and that the VCR was a gift, and that I didn't want this person's money. But, the person wouldn't let the idea rest and I eventually relented.

They asked how much I wanted and I said "it really was a gift, but if you must pay me then pay whatever you want."

They wrote a check and as they were writing they said "I also included some money for the VCR." I reminded them that it was a gift but I was done arguing.

I put the check into my pocket and I didn't look at it cause I figured it would be rude. I talked with the person for a while longer and then they were on their way. When they left I checked the check.

On the memo it said "for services and VCR." On the amount line it said 15 bucks. I was shocked. I had done something nice, and I felt good about doing something nice for someone. But they insisted I be paid, and they took my kindness and made it business. I didn't want to do that, but if they insisted I wasn't going to argue. But to value 4 hours of my life, combined with a brand new VCR at 15 dollars was ridiculous. I was bought out. My kindness was taken, and all for a few bucks.

I have charged for the service I provided before and in the past I had made about 150 bucks for an hour. This time I got 15 bucks...and that was for 4 hours....and it included a VCR!

So, what happened here? Well, I think there are some things...especially things like favors and kindness, that shouldn't ever be quantified. Putting a dollar price tag on the junk gave it value, but the kind interactions we have with each other shouldn't be quantified with cash. Putting a price on that actually diminished the value. So, I guess it's just the opposite. The only way to show how you feel about a kindness is through caring for that person and through being willing to return the favor.

To drive this point home...think about how messed up it would be to assign value to love. What if you dropped a girl off and gave her a goodnight kiss, and then you said "thanks, I had a great time tonight. Here's 3 bucks."

She should slap you. And why? 3 bucks is a good thing right?

The problem is that something special was shared, and it was cheapened by the exchange of money.

So, I guess all of these loose ends tied together goes as follows. We should give something to get something, because if we don't we don't value it. But, what we give should be of the same type as what we get. When dealing with things cash works fine. But with people it is important to give kindness for kindness, and love for love. As we give back properly for what we get, we'll be fulfilled and truly appreciate the value of what we have.

And now I better go.

Today

Well, today should be a full day. I wasn't as productive as I intended yesterday, so I gotta pick up the slack today.

First, I need to write a paper for that psychology class. What's frustrating is this will be the only paper I ever write for a psychology class...and it just so happens that the roommate I've had for the last few years (who is a Masters Student in psychology) is out of town. So, the only time I'd ever need his help with a psychology paper is the one time he's out of town. I guess I'll have to figure out APA on my own.

I also have a paper due in my Philosophy class. That's due tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow I also have two tests. One in metalogic and the other in the regular philosophy class.

Also, today I get set apart, I got to do a few interviews, hometeaching, and the traditional block of church.

Today is going to be a really long day.

Anyway, lets see. My weekend thus far.

Friday night I finished up at school and I planned on going to the SMTP conference (Society for Mormon Thinkers and Philosophers). But, when I got home I was pretty tired so I laid down to take a nap. But, I got a phone call from a girl in my ward asking if she could come over tonight and watch a movie with me. And, since I hadn't figured out a date for this weekend that worked out perfect. So, I said she could come over and I asked her what movie she had in mind. She said she wanted to watch Australia. Now, I could probably watch that movie if I had to... Wolverine is in it, and Nicole Kidman is pleasant enough, but I had the feeling that that movie was a trap. I couldn't help but think that it was the cinematic equivalent of a harlequin novel.

I asked if she'd like to go to the international cinema instead, and then I found out my friend Chandler was also going on a pseudo date that night. So I figured we should combine forces and put all of the awkward undisclosed motives and romantic tension into the same place. So, we made it a double-awkward-pseudo date. We saw a movie called "Together." It's about a young violin prodigy. It was a pretty good movie.

Saturday I woke up early, went to campus, and studied. I stayed there for quite a while, but I wasn't studying very effectively cause I was distracted, so, I went home and ran some errands. During those errands I had Costco pizza for the first time in years (I vowed to never have it again back when I worked in a Costco pharmacy...cause I had it every day for 6 months straight).

Then last night I tried to work on a paper again, but I realized my heart wasn't in it...and then I rationalized that I could work on the paper today (not remembering how busy today would be).

So, last night I read "The Stranger" by Camus. Unfortunately, I really related with the main character in that book.

And that brings me to now. With so much to do, and only blogging to help me procrastinate.

Oh, and I almost forgot. The best part of Friday was dinner. Right after I decided to not go to SMTP and right before the girl in my ward called, I went to a buffet at the Cannon center. It was the best meal I've had in a long time. Let me share my experience.

I walk in and I am rushed through without paying (I guess it all went on my friend's tab). I walk up to the first part of the cafeteria and see all the pizza I could ever eat... I grabbed a plate. I walked a little farther and saw 4 different types of soup...I grabbed a bowl. I walked a little more and grabbed a plate of spaghetti, and a cup of juice. I realized my hands were now more than full and I was balancing all the plates...so I went back to our table and set it all down. But I wanted to explore more. I was like Augustus Gloop in Willy Wonka (not the most flattering simile) ... I was running around smiling and stuffing my face. The next section had burritos, and past them they had a huge salad bar (with all the goldfish crackers you could ever eat). Beyond that was hamburgers that they actually grilled, and next to that were little pieces of steak. I couldn't help myself and I grabbed one of everything...unfortunately, I couldn't carry it all back...so I had to eat my way back to my original table....lets call this grazing. I had to graze my way back to my original table. So, I grabbed a plate of everything till I couldn't carry anymore and I had to set it all down...I'd eat what I was carrying and free up my hands, and then go to the next section and repeat. By the time I had grazed back to where I had started I had already had about 3 dinners worth of food...and my original meal was now cold....but I had to return because people began to wonder where I was.

And I don't even feel like I tried everything. I didn't use the waffle makers, I didn't have any dessert...there is still so much more to explore.

The only downside to eating there is the age difference. I think this place was for freshmen with rich parents. I'm going to go back one more time, cause the friend that brought me says their Chicken is amazing. So, one more trip and then I'll say I've had enough. But this truly was a magical place. I weighed myself before and after (something I always do at buffets) and I was 2.5 pounds heavier on the way out.

In other news the weather has warmed up enough that I can start running again :)

Well, I'm off church. I hope every has a relaxing sabbath day. If you do, tell me what it's like.

Injuries

I don't know what the deal is but I've been getting a lot of minor injuries lately.

2 days ago my roommate asked if I'd beat him at Frisbee golf (actually he might have just asked me to play Frisbee golf, but it amounts to the same thing). We went to the course in South Provo across the street from the cemetery. What stunk was the rose bushes along the course. On the 4th tee they had a throw where there was a bunch of rose bushes between me and the target. Rather than go around I thought I'd go through. So, I chucked it really hard and prayed. But, a bush caught the Frisbee. So, I got all scratched up reaching around. As I was reaching around, one branch caught on my sweatshirt. I didn't notice and kept on moving...and the branch stayed cocked and ready and loaded....just waiting to pounce on me. I was oblivious and I kept on moving...and bending that branch at an increasingly sharper angle. Eventually I got the frisbee and started pulling back...and that's when the branch let go of my sweatshirt and smacked me across the face. Not a bad cut....definitely not prominent enough to make me look like a villain in a James Bond film (which is a shame).

Then the next day I cut myself again. This injury has a little back history.

A few weeks ago I had to take a test, but I forgot to shave that morning. Usually they don't enforce the shaving thing, but I didn't want to go to the testing center (where BYU administers most tests) and get sent away for not being up to dress code. So, I went to the campus store and bought some razors. I found the cheapest razors (1 dollar for 3...I should have known something was off), bought them, then went to the nearest bathroom.

Now, the frustrating thing here was the bathroom faucet was motion activated, and so was the soap. The soap dispenser wasn't very sensitive. I'd have to dance and wave in front of the soap dispenser to get enough soap to cover about a square inch of my face. In the end I didn't have time and I just shaved with water only.....and with such a horrible razor this was a mistake. My face felt so raw. I eventually finished shaving and only cut my face twice. I went to the testing center with a paper towel up against my face to catch the blood from the two nicks. The person smirked when I walked into the testing center. I can only imagine that there are other guys who forget to shave and shave at the last minute to get into the testing center (I was taking the test on the last day 1 hour before the center closed....if I didn't take the test I would get no credit.....so I was in a rush). I was sorta frustrated cause a girl wouldn't be kept out of the testing center for not shaving her legs (and not shaving one's legs is probably more socially unacceptable than not shaving one's beard).

Anyway, I put the razors in my backpack and forgot about them....but they were the gift that kept on giving.

Cause this morning I was reaching for my pen....so I rooted around in my backpack. But the problem is I keep my pens in the same part of my backpack as I kept the cheap razors (I figured I'd save them in case I was ever in the same situation). So, as I root around in the backpack I grab what I think is a pen and I clutch it....but it's not a pen, it's a razor without a cap ( cheap razors are not about safety). So, instead of a pen I got a slash across my palm. Stinking razors. I'm not so mature that I'm against expressing my anger at inanimate objects....so those razors are now destroyed.

And finally....last night. Last night I went to Wingers (wonderful wings there). Now, I like my wings pretty spicy so I ordered the atomic wings. They weren't very atomic. The girl serving us was so confident that no one could handle them and she made sure to check back to see if they were too hot. I told her they weren't very hot, and my roommate who also likes spicy food said the same. So, to make us happy she brought us some Dave's Insanity Sauce. This stuff is HOT! I've had it before, and it's always been a mistake. Anyway, I put a little of the sauce in the "atomic" sauce and it was now quite hot. Unfortunately, the bottle had some sauce on the outside of it. So, when I held the bottle I got some of the pepper sauce on my hand. I forgot about this.

About 2 hours later I was talking on the phone and my eye itched. I itched my eye and within seconds I was crying like an emo kid that just ran out of eye shadow. My left eye was red within seconds. It hurt so bad. It felt like someone put a hot poker in my eye.

This morning my eye still hurts a little, and my hand just stopped bleeding....but my face is now fine.

Oh well. What can ya do. I wish you all a happy and accident free day.

Update

Hello everyone,
Noticed it's been a few days so I thought I'd post some randomness. Here is some stream of consciousness writing.

What I've been up to:
Well, I told you all about Friday. That was fun. The next day I woke up early so I could study for my weekly logic test. Unfortunately, I made it to the library about 10 minutes late and I missed the study group. I sat there waiting for them, but they all went home since I wasn't there. So, I waited for about an hour. Luckily a girl in my ward was there for a study group too. We talked for about an hour and she missed her study group. It was a fun conversation. We discussed the following things:

How some names sound more masculine than others (names ending with a hard E sound are diminutive i.e. Danny, Timmy, Mikey, etc.)

How if you ever want to make fun of something someone says and make it sound stupid you just need to say, "yeah, that's cool, I think I saw that cross stitched on a pillow once."

It's really fun, you should try it. If anyone takes themself too seriously you use this tool as follows.....

Pompous person: "Clarity of mind means clarity of passion, too; this is why a great and clear mind loves ardently and sees distinctly what it loves"

You: yeah, I totally agree, I once saw that cross stitched on a pillow.

It doesn't matter how brilliant the previous statement is, or how much confidence the person said it with...if you make the cross stich comment their comment is destroyed.

Try it, tell your friends (and if you use this trick I guess I should specify...while you still have friends))

Anyway, it was a fun conversation. I never noticed it before but the girl has a very small and strange birthmark on her cheek. It is shaped like a heart. I always thought it was something she drew on her cheek, but it was natural. Pretty cool/weird.

Saturday afternoon I went to visit Garett's grave. It finally warmed up enough so they were able to pour the concrete. I sat there and just thought for a while. I really missed him that day. I usually don't think about how much I miss him, but every once in a while I just get overwhelmed and sorta fall apart with grief. It's sorta selfish of me actually. I miss him the most when I need him the most. Garett was one of the few people I could talk to and feel like I was better for the conversation...he could sort information so well, I could tell him what I was thinking, what I was worrying about, and he'd rationally and carefully walk through everything, process it, and give me advice that I could trust. He knew me so well, and when he helped me I knew he loved me.

That's such a rare friend. I haven't had another friend like him. This past Saturday I thought about how patient and helpful he was with me the first time I thought I was in love. Man that was a headache/heartache. I wasn't prepared for all the emotions I felt. I must have sounded like a broken record as I spoke out my frustration, indecision, pain, and I went back and forth between resenting the girl, loving the girl, missing her, never wanting to see her again, and wanting to spend every moment with her. I can only imagine I sounded like a whiny little cyclical sissy. But, Garett was an open ear. He knew how intense my feelings were, and how undeveloped and unrealistic they were (he'd been there before and he knew the silliness of teenage love)...but he listened as if what I was saying was important (and it was important to him because it was important to me). He helped me through that. Such an amazing friend. I wish I could have his advice now.

It's sorta sad. Every major step in my life he was there. He walked me through the decision to go on a mission, to go to BYU, to be active in the church. Right now is the first time I've had to make serious life changing decisions without him. I don't really have anyone else in my life that could fill his role. Saturday I was doing some serious life planning, and that's when I realized how empty that felt without Garett's help.

After a while I began to feel a little sorry for myself. I have so many people that seem to rely on me (I hope this doesn't sound like arrogance or bragging). On Saturday there were quite a few people that sought me out cause they wanted to talk through a few things. I am pretty sure I'm good at this because they all seemed a lot better after our discussion...and that made me miss Garettt...cause what I was able to do for them is what Garett (and pretty much no one else) could do for me.

What's even more frustrating is I received a phone call from the Stake President the same day and was given a new calling. I never will turn down a calling, but I've had this calling once before and it took a lot out of me. I really am tired right now, I don't know how much I have to give, but this calling will require me to give a lot of myself. Sometimes I wonder how much can rightfully be expected of me. I've always felt more comfortable being the teacher, or the counselor. I hate leadership, I always have.

Anyway, enough of that tangent.

So, after I visited Garett's grave I went to visit his family. I spent some time with them. They are a funny bunch. They are all really into video games. His kids seem to be doing pretty well. His oldest son is still as whacky as every. He walked up to me and said "you should be a male nurse." I have no idea where that came from. I asked him why and he said "you look like a male nurse." I asked what a male nurse looked like and then he said "I can beat anyone at Smash Brothers" (the video game).

Linda (Garett's wife) asked him again why I should be a male nurse, but all he would say for his reasoning is I look like one. She said "I think he looks like he could be whatever he wants" and then Garett's son said "he doesn't look like he could be a boxer." So, there you have it. I look like a male nurse, but not a boxer.

We all played a little Smash Brothers. It felt good to play that game again. I know this much, if I can't make it as a lawyer or a professor, I'm pretty sure I have a future as a professional gamer.

I asked if there was anything I could do (in the past they've needed little things fixed like setting up the internet router or moving something heavy), but they were doing okay, so I headed out to visit my friend Jason who was in town for the weekend.

It was really good to see him again.

One thing I noticed as he was leaving is how guys hug. It seems like there are three degrees of formality in guy hugs.

1) The shoulder lean: This hug is when you shake hands, then realize that you need to express more intimacy, so you both lean in with your right shoulder and your shoulders touch, then you pat the person on the back, usually once or twice, then disengage....and there you have it...male intimacy.

2) The traditional hug: This hug is when you just go straight for a traditional hug, you pat the person on the back twice (3 times if they're a good friend that you really miss) and then disengage.

3) The awkward hug: This hug is the hug where you hug traditionally, but there is no pat. You just hold the other person.

Now, for a little explanation of the third type of hug. My theory is this. When guys hug they don't want to get comfortable....cause that's intimacy. So, to make sure they're not overly comfortable, guys stay moving. What I mean is this. If two guys hug and they just hold it, they have to admit that they're enjoying the contact (because contact is the only thing going on). But if guys pat each other on the back they're doing something, they're active, they're not lost in the embrace...they're moving, they're shucking and jiving. So, by moving (in this case patting the other's back) the guys remove the tension inherent in heterosexual male/male contact. That's why the hug ends when the pats on the back end.

Just recently I tested this theory. I have a friend that was recently married (and for this reason I haven't seen him much lately). When I saw him after the few months of absence I gave him a hug. I didn't pat his back during this hug....and I still feel dirty.

So, guys please realize how important it is to hug other guys properly.

Here is a helpful cartoon I just found online explaining the proper way to hug category 1 style.

Well, I better get some lunch. I hope you're all doing well.