Ugly Ties

Today I came up with the ugly tie theory...and I thought of something else too, but I'm gonna start with the ugly tie theory.

The ugly tie theory goes like this:

An ugly tie for men is like short hair for women.

Now for the explanation. You see, I have a really ugly tie, and it is really, really, ugly. Here is a picture of me wearing it to church today...


Figure 1a. Debonair look featuring ugly tie.

As you can see, it's a bunch of flowers that look like they belong on a circa 70s couch cascading around in a shade of blue that wants so badly to be purple...but it's afraid to come out of the closet.

Anyway, I wore this tie to church today and about 5 people noticed it. 3 were girls, 2 were guys. The first girl knew me from my last ward and she said "oh wow, you brought that ugly tie back out."

The second girl noticed the ugly tie when she was talking to me. As we spoke, her gaze kept on drifting down to my ugly tie. She'd make eye contact, and then the power of the ugliness would draw her gaze back down...this happened three times-- I eventually said it for her "Yeah, I know it's ugly." She sorta laughed and said something like "I was afraid to say it, but yeah, it's really ugly." I was really impressed by my tie at this point. I knew it was ugly but I didn't know it was hypnotizingly ugly.

The third girl sat next to me in Sunday school. She reached over, grabbed my tie, and said "wow, that is one ugly tie" then she introduced herself (I guess I went on a date with her roommate a few months ago so she felt comfortable being that forward).

So, basically girls notice how ugly it is and they don't like it, they probably think it's stupid to wear such an ugly tie...they mostly make fun of the poor thing.

The interesting thing is guy's reactions. Guys love ugly ties. I had two guys say "hey bro, nice tie." Now, I am under no illusions that this is actually a good looking tie. What is interesting is, guys appreciate the uniqueness of an ugly tie. They wear them all the time and nice ties become monotonous...so when they see a really ugly tie, a tie that is so ugly it's almost beautiful, they compliment it.

Now back to my theory.

Have you ever noticed that if a girl asks a guy if she should cut her hair the answer is almost always "no." Honestly, girls just look better with long hair. No guy ever says a woman should cut her hair unless he feels like that's what she wants to hear. Most girls reserve cutting their hair short for life changing moments, like right after they get married, or right after they had a kid, or right after college. It's kind of like a way of taking on a new persona or something to correspond with the other changes in their life (not that I'm an expert on this or anything). Also in the case of having a kid, it's probably a matter of utility.

But when a woman cuts her hair, all her girl friends say "wow, that looks so cute." Or "I just love you with short hair." Part of me thinks that girls might say this because they figure that that girl is now less attractive and not as much of a threat when it comes to catching guys (but what do I know). I just have noticed that girls compliment other girls when they cut their hair short, but men don't like it.

And the corollary is that men compliment other men who wear ugly ties, but women don't like it.

I think the reason for men wearing ugly ties is it breaks the monotony of a good looking tie, sometimes you just want a change. Maybe girls do the same thing...they just get tired of their hair looking the same way so they destroy...err, cut it.

Anyway, that's all I got. Have a great Sunday.