Fear

Today's post is on fear (I started this post months ago but never got around to finishing it).

First I'm going to find the best definition for the word. Next, in typical sacrament talk fashion, I'm going to discuss that definition and its implications.

The OED defines fear as "The emotion of pain or uneasiness caused by the sense of impending danger, or by the prospect of some possible evil."

Now, evil is an often misunderstood term, most people think of evil as something moral, but the comprehensive sense of the word includes anything bad, ranging from adultery to tornadoes. However, since most people think of evil in a strictly moral sense, I think a better definition for fear (and the one I will use in this post) is "The emotion of pain or uneasiness caused by the sense of impending loss."

Anyway, does this definition work? Well, if someone is afraid to skydive they are afraid to lose their life, if someone is afraid of spiders they're afraid they might get bit and lose health. If some guy is afraid to ask a girl he can be afraid that she'll say "no" and he'll lose confidence, self-respect, or whatever.

Basically, at the heart of fear is the possibility of loss--in every example I can think of. Sometimes it's not direct. I don't think anyone says before a car hits them "ahhhhh I'm afraid to lose my ability to walk," but I think, underlying the more immediate sensation of danger (as is part of the OED definition) is the possibility of loss.

So, taking fear to be rooted in the possibility of loss what can we say about our own personal experiences with fear?

Well, first off, I think nearly everyone experiences fear...and if you don't there is something wrong with you...cause if you don't feel fear, that means you 1) have nothing to lose 2) don't value what you have to lose or 3) are crazy.

Different philosophers have discussed fear at great length. Socrates viewed fear as part of courage. He argued to Glaucon that if you don't feel fear you can't possibly be brave. One definition of bravery given in his dialogue with Glaucon was someone who knew what to be afraid of and what not to be afraid of.

Nearly all the philosopher's take on fear was that it was something that tempers us. Some say it makes morality possible (the fear of punishment) others say it makes it so we can survive together in groups (e.g. Hobbes who thought that fear of death led us to create government to protect us).

However, I think the best discussion of fear was Aristotle's. He said that fear is necessary, but it must be moderated...we can't remove fear from our lives, but we can learn to control it. As we properly respond to fear we develop a habit of strength, as we succumb to fear, we develop a habit of weakness. Good and bad habits of action are the essence of character (this is actually an interpretation of Aristotle more than a reference to him...but I digress).

Anyway, my main point is that fear isn't bad, it's just a recognition that you have the possibility to lose something you value. What makes fear bad is when it holds you back from doing the right thing, or it holds you back from taking an opportunity that could bless your life.

I think that's the big problem with fear...how it takes away opportunities, how it keeps you from getting the most out of life. But that's not necessarily fear causing the problem...it's responding poorly to fear that's causing the problem. And, like most things that can hurt you, if properly channeled, it can help you (as Aristotle said) temper your soul.

And really, this is what's important. Think about it. Virtue is made possible (or at the very least strengthened) by the sense of loss. For example, if someone gives a gift that costs them nothing most people don't think much of the gift...but compare that to the story of the widow's mite...she gave nearly everything and that made her gift greater than the offerings of all the wealthy men visiting the temple that day. Heroism is a similar thing. A hero's accomplishments are impressive when he kills a dragon or faces an army or something (often fatal endeavors)...if all a hero had to do was click a button to save someone's life we'd just say "yeah, of course, thanks for pressing the button, but don't expect me to name any of my kids after you or anything." It's the possibility of loss (or actual loss) that makes many actions praiseworthy.

Oh, and for a brief sidenote...the story of the widow's mite reminds me of a story from about 9 years ago...

When my brother was about 10 or so he somehow came upon 20 dollars...all the money he had in the world, and of course at this age the money was burning a hole in his pocket. He kept on thinking of all the things he could buy with the money. Whenever we were at a store he'd always point at something and then calculate how many of them he could buy with his small fortune. Anyway, one day I mentioned how I was a big fan of Pez candy. When I said this my little brother took note, and a few days later, when I came home from work, I found a huge bag of Pez sitting on my desk (it took me weeks to eat it all). He'd gone to the dollar store and spent his entire fortune to buy me candy. It was one of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me.

So, tying all this together...I think facing or experiencing loss makes or strengthens virtue, and because fear is the psychological pain brought on by the sense of impending loss, fear is closely tied with virtue...but to what extent I can't really say.

All I know is that some of the greatest things I've ever done were the result of me facing my fears, and some of the worst moments of my life have come from succumbing to my fears. When I went on a mission I was scared to death. I didn't know if I had a testimony, I didn't know if I had conviction, I didn't know if God even wanted me to go. When I got on that airplane my feet felt so heavy, it was one of the hardest things I've ever done...but I can't begin to describe how much that decision has blessed my life. Similarly, I think back on times when I've let fear overtake me...like when I didn't tell someone how I felt because I didn't want to get hurt, or the time when I was in guitar class in high school and a kid was getting teased for having bad acne and I didn't step in and defend him cause I was afraid to reprimand 4 seniors as a freshman (next year I broke out really bad and that was probably karma)....these were times that defined me as a person...for better or for worse, and these character defining moments were given weight (or more accurately, were made possible) by fear.

Anyway, that's about all I got to say on the subject. I wish I could offer some wise advice on how to conquer fears, but I don't think there aren't any quick fixes where fear is concerned. So, since I can't offer a solution, all I'm going to try to do is offer some perspective.

Here are two points that might offer some perspective:

1) When you're afraid you can at least be excited because you have something to lose. Only someone who values nothing can be free of fear, so by feeling fear, you can take heart that you have something of value (sorta convoluted logic I know).

2) If fear comes from a sense of impending loss, and fear prevents you from acting when you should (causing you to miss out on an opportunity or something i.e. experience loss) then succumbing to fear actually brings about loss (which is the cause of fear and the very thing you're trying to avoid). So, by succumbing to fear, in a weird way, you realize your fear.

So, while I can't present any solutions, I can at least say that, rationally, it is better to face your fears

(this is of course when your fear isn't reasonable (if you're afraid to go to Spain and participate in the running of the bulls I think you should listen to that fear))

than to succumb to them because running from your fears causes you to lose out on some of the sweetest experiences in life, and that is something to be afraid of.

Disneyland and Stuff

So, the last few days have been pretty crazy.

On Saturday we all went as a family and saw Avatar... a really impressive movie. The plot was pretty traditional...sorta an amalgamation of probably about 10 different other sci-fi films, but it was amazing to watch. The CGI was amazing, the interaction of the CGI with the live action characters was amazing, and the use of 3D was very amazing (imagine how empty this paragraph would be without the word amazing). This is a movie that you should probably see in theaters because it just won't be as amazing at home.

Today we went to Disneyland. It was pretty fun. Disneyland at Christmastime is just beautiful. They have fake snow at 10, fireworks at 9....decorations everywhere. The castle was covered in brilliant lights that somehow managed to look like real icicles. Really, Disneyland is the sweetest and most genuine experience money can buy.

Oh, and I almost forgot, the best part of Disneyland during Christmas is the haunted mansion. They do an amazing job there. They redo the entire ride so it looks like The Nightmare Before Christmas movie.

I'll post a few pictures from the Disneyland trip once I get them off my sister's camera.

And that brings me to now....so, here I am blogging about all the fun stuff from today and it made me realize that, although I love Disneyland, I'm sorta between phases in life now so I don't really get all I should out of the place....I guess I should probably explain that.

Disneyland really is the magic kingdom for kids, and it's vicariously the magic kingdom for adults (specifically parents). As you walk around the park you see little kids in awe reaching out to touch cartoon characters brought to life. You see little girls from every nationality you can imagine dressed up as little princesses...and you see little boys sporting their overalls as they swing lighsabers at their sisters (aka the princesses) (only 26 bucks for a glow in the dark stick...get on it)...but best of all is when you see kids, all tuckered out, just collapsed in their strollers enjoying a deep and contented nap (the best naps around too...brought on by the fatigue of too much excitement...too much fun for a day-- so much fun you gotta sleep to recover from it).

Anyway, as I go to Disneyland now, that's what I see. When I was younger I'd go to Disneyland to go on rides, to eat cherry sours... to explore as much of the place as I could. Now I just go to observe. It really is sweet to watch kids having fun, and parents having fun watching their kids have fun...the kids just buzz with excitement, and the parents glow with the love they have for them (and as they pick up on some of the excitement themselves as they see things the way their kids do).

So, really, Disneyland (even though it annoys me with its blatant commercialism) offers a much needed experience: it allows kids to be kids and it helps adults (as they see Disneyland again from the perspective of their kids) remember what it's like to be a kid...to remember what life was like before cynicism and a few hard knocks took the wind from their sails.

The sad thing (of which I'm becoming increasingly aware) is that I really don't fit into either of these two groups (I'm not a kid anymore and I'm certainly not a parent). So, although I have a blast at Disneyland, I'm not really in a stage of life where I maximize the fun I have there.

When I go to Disneyland now I just get all nostalgic and remember the past. The place is more of a hall of memories than an amusement park. I can associate a memory with nearly everything there. It's actually really enjoyable to do this (although contemplation is a bad fit at an amusement park). As I walk around Disneyland I remember being a kid and chasing Mickey cause I wanted to see how big his feet were. I remember dragging my feet with exhaustion as we're walking out of the park (and then feeling weightless as my dad (noticing my lollygagging) lifted me off the ground and put me on his shoulders), I remember saving up my allowance so I could buy the Star Wars models they sold in the Tomorrowland gift shop (never was able to save up the 21 dollars necessary for the Millennium Falcon)...I just remember great times as a kid.

And then I have memories from my teenage/young adult years. I remember going there for a cheap date (when you have friends that work there it's really easy to get in) and just running around the park (really, Disneyland would still be a great place to take a date, although, since I don't live here it's not a cheap date anymore).... I remember going there with my baseball team and running through the crowds as fast as we could to make sure we got on more rides than anyone else at the park that day.... I remember when it rained and the park would empty and and a few friends and I had the entire park to ourselves (we went on Space Mountain again and again (at least 4 times) while everyone else waited for the rain to clear).

Anyway, all I'm really saying is that, as you age, how you experience Disneyland changes. Originally Disneyland is about you, it's about having fun, seeing the sights and attractions...but as you age your perspective shifts and the fun of Disneyland comes from whom you're with....and I guess I'm in some weird middle area of this shift.

Oh well, it's still a fun place, and I'm I'll eventually I'll make the transition full swing and I'll be the guy with the kid on my shoulders telling his other son to stop hitting his sister with the claw from the toy shop...and that will be good times--Disneyland will be new again.

Well, better go. Hope you all have a great day.

Oh, and here are some pictures from the trip.

In front of It's a Small World

Sleeping Beauty's castle with Christmas bling

This is Water

Hey everyone,

So, I'm home right now. Things have been pretty great the last few days. The drive wasn't so bad cause I had the Munchkin with me. We sang songs, listened to phat tunes, and tried (and eventually gave up trying) to listen to Twilight.

When I got home Bean freaked out so much...it was really cute. She threw herself on the floor and made sounds almost like she was crying. Then she got so excited she started to sneeze.

My brothers came over and we sat around and talked for a while. I sometimes forget how good it is to talk to them.

I got to meet the Munchkin's boyfriend (he was over at our place to see her within an hour (he was really suffering the few days she was gone)). He seems like a really good guy. I can tell he's crazy about my sister and that he's trying his hardest to make her happy....so I'm cool with him. Maybe I should be more protective, but I've never been that sort of big brother; I really trust the Munchkin's judgment. Anyone she likes is cool with me.

Lately I've been thinking about a commencement speech given by David Foster Wallace. The speech was given in 2005 or 2006. A year or so ago some publisher took the speech and made a book out of it (probably to capitalize on the interest generated by his death). The book you can find the speech in is called This is Water.

Here is the full speech if you'd like to read it: This is Water (I really recommend reading it if you have the time, it's not that long really).

Anyway, the speech starts off with a story. The story goes like this:

"There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says "Morning, boys. How's the water?" And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes "What the hell is water?"

He then goes on to say "the point of the fish story is merely that the most obvious important realities are often the ones that are hardest to see and talk about."

Wallace then argues that an education helps us to recognize the water. An education helps us to see new ways of viewing the world that we aren't naturally disposed to, and then it helps us to decide which ones have merit and which ones do not. As we do this we learn what is meaningful.

He then goes on to say (and this is just the last few paragraphs of the speech)

"This, I submit, is the freedom of a real education, of learning how to be well-adjusted. You get to consciously decide what has meaning and what doesn't. You get to decide what to worship.

Because here's something else that's weird but true: in the day-to-day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And the compelling reason for maybe choosing some sort of god or spiritual-type thing to worship--be it JC or Allah, be it YHWH or the Wiccan Mother Goddess, or the Four Noble Truths, or some inviolable set of ethical principles--is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive. If you worship money and things, if they are where you tap real meaning in life, then you will never have enough, never feel you have enough. It's the truth. Worship your body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly. And when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally grieve you. On one level, we all know this stuff already. It's been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, epigrams, parables; the skeleton of every great story. The whole trick is keeping the truth up front in daily consciousness.

Worship power, you will end up feeling weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to numb you to your own fear. Worship your intellect, being seen as smart, you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out. But the insidious thing about these forms of worship is not that they're evil or sinful, it's that they're unconscious. They are default settings.

They're the kind of worship you just gradually slip into, day after day, getting more and more selective about what you see and how you measure value without ever being fully aware that that's what you're doing.

And the so-called real world will not discourage you from operating on your default settings, because the so-called real world of men and money and power hums merrily along in a pool of fear and anger and frustration and craving and worship of self. Our own present culture has harnessed these forces in ways that have yielded extraordinary wealth and comfort and personal freedom. The freedom all to be lords of our tiny skull-sized kingdoms, alone at the centre of all creation. This kind of freedom has much to recommend it. But of course there are all different kinds of freedom, and the kind that is most precious you will not hear much talk about much in the great outside world of wanting and achieving.... The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways every day.

That is real freedom. That is being educated, and understanding how to think. The alternative is unconsciousness, the default setting, the rat race, the constant gnawing sense of having had, and lost, some infinite thing.

I know that this stuff probably doesn't sound fun and breezy or grandly inspirational the way a commencement speech is supposed to sound. What it is, as far as I can see, is the capital-T Truth, with a whole lot of rhetorical niceties stripped away. You are, of course, free to think of it whatever you wish. But please don't just dismiss it as just some finger-wagging Dr Laura sermon. None of this stuff is really about morality or religion or dogma or big fancy questions of life after death.

The capital-T Truth is about life BEFORE death.

It is about the real value of a real education, which has almost nothing to do with knowledge, and everything to do with simple awareness; awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us, all the time, that we have to keep reminding ourselves over and over:

"This is water."

"This is water."

Shared Blog Post

Hello everyone,
Well, first off here's the update. I didn't have to ostracize Munchkin because I was able to get out of doing my final. Woohoo! So, that was a good thing. Today we did lots of random things. We got some food, went to a guitar luthier, saw a movie and stuff.

Now, we're waiting for FHE to start (I would bail but I gotta go cause it's my calling).

So, as we wait, we're going to co-author a blog. We will each write 5 words and then pass it off to the other...let's see how this goes.

Hello, my name is Karynne / the previous statement was false / just kidding lol I am/ I apologize for Danny's lies/ by lies I mean truth./ I'm going to let this / end cause I'm really dumb / im in the game again/ oh hey, welcome back sister/ i am not dumb, jerk / I didn't write that--framed/ jiminy cricket disagrees quite passionately./ Who cares? He's a grasshopper/ when learning wisdom one is called grasshopper/ before wisdom, learn to count/ Crap, you noticed. My bad./ there are three kinds of/ people in this world, those/ who can count and those/ who can not. i can./.. count past 100, I'm smart/ my brother however can not/ count infinite sets very well./ simpler concepts escape his grasp/ (if grasping infinity is simple)/simpler as in addition problems./..like adding to his awesomeness./ or his already inflated ego./ (which is admittedly quite deserved)/excellent demonstration of his arrogance./(which I find totally justified)/Danny, therein lies your problem./

Okay, the game is over. I think all we accomplished was sounding like a schizophrenic. Oh well, have a great day.

Munchkin

A few weeks ago my dad told me to make sure I was home on the 11th. Since my dad is an honorable man I agreed. He said that a package would be delivered and that I'd really need to be there to receive it. I wasn't sure at first if he was sending something illegal (which would explain why he needed me to be there to receive it (cause one of my law abiding roommate might have been bothered by the contraband)). Or maybe he needed me to be there because the package contained so much awesomeness that I needed to be there for it, cause any moment without the package would be so inferior to a moment with the package that, by comparison, every moment without the package would be sad, deficient, and pointless.

Well, as I said, I decided to wait it up. Unfortunately the package didn't arrive during the day. I called my dad that night to check with him to see if he could get the routing number. He said "oh, dont' worry, it will probably still be delivered tonight." I told him "I doubt it, even if it's en route it will probably go to some local distribution center and be delivered tomorrow." He said "oh no, they are on holiday hours, it will get there."

I was doubtful but then he said "if it's not there in an hour give me a call."

So, I waited a bit, then I went into my room. I would like to say I started cleaning my room while I waited...but that would be a total lie. I really was just laying back and checking my email (from my last post you're probably aware that I do that frequently....perhaps obsessively). I called someone to see if they'd like to go shopping later cause I needed to buy a Christmas present for Sister#1 (aka Katie). Right after I hung up the phone my roommate yelled to me and said "hey Dan, come out really fast." I never really talk to this particular roommate (he's the guy the spider booby traps were set for a few posts ago) so I was surprised he asked me to come out. Once I came out the door I looked over and there was......The MUNCHKIN! She was the package my dad was talking about. Turns out she decided to fly our here and surprise me.

Now, I was really surprised but I guess I don't show surprise very well because I was told I just looked confused. But I was surprised. It was so great to see her. So, we're gonna drive back to California together.

The munchkin and I went to dinner and talked for a bit. Then, came back to my pad (that's cool college liingo for apartment) and watched funny youtube videos that I'd been collecting. As she left she asked me if I was surprised. She said "are you glad I'm here?" I said "Of course! why do you even need to ask? " She then said "well, you seemed more confused than surprised." And I said "That was my surprised face. I guess I'm not very expressive...but that's probably the same face you would have seen if a unicorn walked through my door."

So, we got the munchkin in Provo for the next few days. She needs to leave by the 15th cause she has work (and a flying squirrel she purchased should be arriving that day and she'd like to be there to greet the little guy). I guess I'll be leaving Provo sooner than expected. I was actually supposed to go on another one of those blind dates on Tuesday night so I guess I got a great excuse to get out of that one.

Oh, and other things we've done. We bought some hot chocolate and chocolate crackers and then bit off corners from the cookies and used them as straws...then the chocolate melts the cookie from the inside and you eat it and it melts in your mouth (and sometimes your hand). This is a really fun thing to do when it's cold. I really recommend it. The funny thing was the munchkin couldn't really do it right at first. But, she eventually got it.

We also walked around BYU. I showed her all the cool places (using the word cool liberally).

That's about it for last night. Today we woke up and then went to get French toast at Kneaders. It was really crazy there, very busy. But it was goode food. We went shopping for some Christmas presents...and then I had to go to a thing for school (I have finals and it's gonna be hard to get anything done with munchkin here...but it's not like I study anyway (although I do have to write 2 papers by Monday)).

It's been really great to have her here. Hopefully I'll be able to just write the papers sometime tonight when everyone else is asleep. It's not like I sleep all that much anyway.

Well, I better stop blogging. We must find something entertaining to do.

Cheerio.

I Have a Problem

Okay, I definitely have a problem. Early in my career as a student I put off writing papers because I was lazy. Now I put off papers cause I have to. Sounds crazy, but it's true.

I had a paper due this morning. I figured I better get a start on it yesterday (which is really early for me). So, I went to the Provo library and went to my little corner and started writing...or at least I tried to. As I sat there I realized that I hadn't checked my email in 3 minutes...so I did that. Then I noticed that I had missed a message from a friend...so I read that and responded. Then I realized that I still hadn't found the perfect ugly Christmas sweater...so I checked online for that.

I sat at the computer for at least an hour before I started thinking about what my paper would be on. When I finally tried to start writing....writer's block. I just couldn't get the sentences to fit together. Everything seemed horrible the moment I typed it.

So, I started to drift off. I listened to the guy behind me talk on the phone for a while (I guess he's trying to tap into his 401k early to pay for Christmas presents (priorities really out of whack)). I noticed that the lady in front of me had a broken arm so we talked about how she broke it for a while. I noticed how the lady next to me smelled really bad (she smelled like dirt, urine, and tree bark), I don't think she bathed very often. And then I went back to typing....but I still had writer's block.

As I started at my computer screen I noticed the temperature was 7 degrees. Oh no! that just won't do. If it's 7 degrees I gotta drink hot chocolate...so I drove home and made some hot chocolate. But of course my roommates were watching a movie (Stranger Than Fiction (which incidentally is on my top 10 movie list)), so I felt obliged to watch it with them.

When the movie was over it was about 8. I decided to drive to BYU and work there...just lock myself away and write. Unfortunately, I still had writer's block, so I decided to check my email 5 more times. No emails. Oh well, I'll write now....oh man, still have writer's block.

I decide that my problem is I must be tired so I decide to go to bed. Unfortunately it's about 1 in the morning, I haven't written a single sentence, and I now have a 10 page paper due the next morning (actually that morning) at 9:30. I go to bed anyway and set my alarm for 5. I wake up at 5 and then tell myself that I'd rather fail the class than leave my warm bed...so I sleep for another hour. At 6 I wake up and start writing...and then the same thing happened that happens every time I put a paper off till the last minute--the muse of writing just smacks me upside the head and I start putting out a paper like gangbusters.

I wrote all 10 pages of the paper by 8:00. I even had time to shower and all of that (which normally doesn't happen on a procrastinated paper morning).

Because of my wild success I got a little cocky and started taking my time...unfortunately I was destined to have printer problems. I ended up printing my paper off the BYU server. When I finally got the paper printed I sprinted to class to find out that no one was there. I guess the teacher had let everyone off early after collecting the papers. Luckily there was a kid in the class with his computer and I had him look up the professor's office#. I went to his office and talked to him for a while. After I had developed a good enough report to annoy him I handed him my paper. He accepted it for full credit. I talked with him a bit more and then walked out...feeling like a champ.

That's when I realized I have a serious problem. I can't write papers now unless I procrastinate. It has to be very close to the deadline, and when I get there all of the sudden I can focus, I stop caring about who likes what status on Facebook, I stop checking my email, checking the news...I just go off adrenaline (somehow my body turns adrenaline into some natural form of Ritalin), and I go to town

When I was young I procrastinated because I wanted to. Now I procrastinate because I have to. Oh woe is me. What a horrible problem to have. My problem must have gone undiagnosed for so long because I've never tried to write a paper so early (the day before it's due) before. Now that I have tried, I realize that I procrastinate by necessity, not choice.

I'm going to try to write a paper the day before it's due again, but I don't expect it will work very well.

I just wish the muse of writing wasn't such a finicky wench. Anyway, I hope everyone can sympathize with my horrible.....

[checks email ]

...disability. And I also hope everyone will stop....

[looks up the Wikipedia page for the Notre Dame cathedral]

...making fun of me for putting papers off.

I really do have a problem.

Ugly Christmas Sweaters

Hello everyone,

So, today I was set up on another blind date. This is the 5th one in two weeks. I'm not sure if I just have a pathetic "help me" look about me or something, but I've had a lot of girls come up to me and say "I think you'd really enjoy going on a date with my friend (insert name here)."

I've never really known what to make of girls setting you up on a blind date. Is that a compliment or an insult? I mean, in one way it's a compliment because she trusts you, and she thinks highly enough of you to set you up with a friend (if it is indeed a friend). On the other hand you gotta wonder why they want to set you up with someone else. I mean, if I met a girl I thought was worth dating, I wouldn't try to set her up with one of my friends...I'd try to date her myself. And if a guy tries to set you up with a girl, you gotta wonder the same thing. Why doesn't he want to date her?

The only time when it's a compliment is when the person setting you up is in a relationship or married. Then you understand why they don't want to date you (or date the person they're setting you up with if they're a guy) and all they're really saying is they think highly enough of you to set you up with a friend.

Anyway, blind dates are kinda like tracting on your mission: you never have much success but it's where all your good stories come from. To demonstrate this, here are some silly things that happened during last week's blind dates.

I went on one blind date that was a double. I didn't know either girl. My roommate John knew both of them. We paired off by height and I took the taller girl (she was taller than my roommate John (who I think liked the short girl anyway)). We went dancing and it was pretty fun. After dancing we went to get dinner. Now, one girl had to go to the bathroom, so of course both of them went. The weird thing was they were in there for at least 10 minutes.

I don't know what was going on in there. I think it might have been a mid-date conference or something. Both girls said they were having a lot of fun on the date quite a few times. It was as if they were saying this in surprise...like they expected the date to go bad or something. I'd never met them before (or even heard of them) so I don't know why their expectations seemed low. Maybe John said something to give them the impression it wouldn't be fun.

Anyway, they go off to the bathroom to confer and do whatever it is girls do in the bathroom for 10 minutes. I get bored really easily so I started decorating where my date sat. We went to In N Out so I first took a placemat and set it for her. Then I took her food off the tray and layed it out symmetrically. I put the drink on the right, burger in the middle, fries on the left to balance out the drink (looked sorta like the Mickey Mouse logo). Then I put those little ketchup cups in a pattern surrounding the placemat. This took me about 4 minutes and I had about 6 minutes to go so I kept on working. The next step was to make a ketchup tower. This is accomplished by putting down a ketchup cup, getting two french fried and placing them over the cup to make a platform, then putting another cup on top of the fries. Then more french fries and so on. I was able to make it to about 5 stories before the structure became unstable. Fortunately, about the time my tower began to fall apart the girls came back from their sabbatical and we could finally eat dinner.

As we talked a bit I found out that John's date was only 19. John is 30 so I found this pretty funny. I'm not sure why but I became curious about how many things from my childhood she'd completely missed. I found out the following:

The girl had never seen Star Wars.
She had never watched Goonies.
She had never seen Top Gun.
She didn't know the cartoons Dark Wing Duck, Duck Tales, Talespin, Rescue Rangers etc.
She had never heard of Guns N Roses.
She was too young to pay attention to the OJ trial.
She was in elementary school during the September 11 attacks (I was driving to a music theory class at the local college when it happened).

Basically, this girl is from a different generation. John is older than me so he really must have had age shock. Well, he probably knew this before the date cause he knew who the girls were. Maybe I was the only person shocked by this.

As I was on that date I realized that I frequently do silly things on dates when I'm not interested in the girl. Maybe I just do this cause I want to have fun and I'm not going to have fun because of the relationship between me and them...but for whatever reason, when I'm bored weird things happen. Here are some examples from other dates that happened last week.

On one of them the girl was trying to figure out whether to take a job in San Diego or stay in Utah. She spent a good portion of the date just working over that decision. Now, I'm not against talking about important things, but I really didn't know this girl and I really didn't want to play life coach. But, she kept on talking about it so I joined in. As I listened to more of the details I became interested in the decision.

The funny thing was how easily she changed her mind. I could list some positive things about one choice, make an argument for why it was a good idea and then she'd say "yeah, that's what I'm going to do...I'm certain." Then I'd get bored and switch to the other side and argue for the other view and she'd say "you know what, you're right, I should probably do the other thing." And then once that was done I took the other side....I kept doing this till I realized that she might be going crazy. So, I told her she probably shouldn't listen to anything I said on the matter cause it's totally her choice. She then asked what I would do, she said she'd do that. Now, I really didn't want that kind of responsibility on a blind date, so I deferred, but I did try to help her organize her thoughts and see the strengths of either choice. I guess it was nice to help someone, it just wasn't what I was expecting for that night. But, I guess it went well because she said it was the best advice she'd received (which is kinda weird). Anyway, this was a weird date because I became a career counselor (and a very contrary one at that).

On another blind date we went to an ice cream shop. When I was there I used a maneuver that Garett had taught me. What you do is this.... you drink your shake, but you make sure you get whipped cream on your nose. Then you pretend the whipped cream isn't there and try to have a serious conversation. If you can keep a straight face it's hilarious as you watch the girl's eyes constantly drop down to your nose. Some girls will tell you right out that you have something on your nose. Other girls make a brushing gesture to kind of hint that you should wipe your nose. Other girls straight up tell you. Some girls wait a few minutes and when they realize you're not going to catch on they tell you. Either way it's a pretty fun social experiment, but it should only be done when you really don't care how the date goes and you're just trying to pass the time.

Actually, having food on one's face reminds me of a classic scene in Better Off Dead. To watch the proper scene go into the video about 1 minute 55 seconds (it's a long clip so I don't recommend watching the entire thing).



Anyway, that's about it. The other two dates were relatively normal. On that note, I'm kind of getting sick of dating. I've been doing it for so long and I just don't really try anymore. I think maybe I'm just burnt out from doing a date a week for so long. In the last 4 years I have only met 3 girls I really enjoyed dating--that's really bad odds...that's a lot of dates I didn't want to be on. I really wish it wasn't so rare to find a girl I enjoy dating...it makes it so things fall apart with the girls I do like cause I just don't have any experience with caring. Also, it gives the girls I do like way too much power over me..that whole limited supply high demand thing.

Oh well, I guess things will pick up eventually. I've just had a bad run lately is all. I guess this is partly my fault because the there was one girl who things were going really well with, but I found a personality quirk that I just couldn't tolerate and jumped ship...maybe I'm too picky.

Well, I better stop typing. This is two posts in 2 days...I'm an animal. Oh, and the title of this post is cause I've decided to buy a some really ugly Christmas sweaters. I'm still shopping for the perfect one. I'm gonna wear them everywhere. If anyone knows where they can be purchased please let me know.

Hope you're all having a wonderful day and getting prepped for Christmas!