I Have a Problem

Okay, I definitely have a problem. Early in my career as a student I put off writing papers because I was lazy. Now I put off papers cause I have to. Sounds crazy, but it's true.

I had a paper due this morning. I figured I better get a start on it yesterday (which is really early for me). So, I went to the Provo library and went to my little corner and started writing...or at least I tried to. As I sat there I realized that I hadn't checked my email in 3 minutes...so I did that. Then I noticed that I had missed a message from a friend...so I read that and responded. Then I realized that I still hadn't found the perfect ugly Christmas sweater...so I checked online for that.

I sat at the computer for at least an hour before I started thinking about what my paper would be on. When I finally tried to start writing....writer's block. I just couldn't get the sentences to fit together. Everything seemed horrible the moment I typed it.

So, I started to drift off. I listened to the guy behind me talk on the phone for a while (I guess he's trying to tap into his 401k early to pay for Christmas presents (priorities really out of whack)). I noticed that the lady in front of me had a broken arm so we talked about how she broke it for a while. I noticed how the lady next to me smelled really bad (she smelled like dirt, urine, and tree bark), I don't think she bathed very often. And then I went back to typing....but I still had writer's block.

As I started at my computer screen I noticed the temperature was 7 degrees. Oh no! that just won't do. If it's 7 degrees I gotta drink hot chocolate...so I drove home and made some hot chocolate. But of course my roommates were watching a movie (Stranger Than Fiction (which incidentally is on my top 10 movie list)), so I felt obliged to watch it with them.

When the movie was over it was about 8. I decided to drive to BYU and work there...just lock myself away and write. Unfortunately, I still had writer's block, so I decided to check my email 5 more times. No emails. Oh well, I'll write now....oh man, still have writer's block.

I decide that my problem is I must be tired so I decide to go to bed. Unfortunately it's about 1 in the morning, I haven't written a single sentence, and I now have a 10 page paper due the next morning (actually that morning) at 9:30. I go to bed anyway and set my alarm for 5. I wake up at 5 and then tell myself that I'd rather fail the class than leave my warm bed...so I sleep for another hour. At 6 I wake up and start writing...and then the same thing happened that happens every time I put a paper off till the last minute--the muse of writing just smacks me upside the head and I start putting out a paper like gangbusters.

I wrote all 10 pages of the paper by 8:00. I even had time to shower and all of that (which normally doesn't happen on a procrastinated paper morning).

Because of my wild success I got a little cocky and started taking my time...unfortunately I was destined to have printer problems. I ended up printing my paper off the BYU server. When I finally got the paper printed I sprinted to class to find out that no one was there. I guess the teacher had let everyone off early after collecting the papers. Luckily there was a kid in the class with his computer and I had him look up the professor's office#. I went to his office and talked to him for a while. After I had developed a good enough report to annoy him I handed him my paper. He accepted it for full credit. I talked with him a bit more and then walked out...feeling like a champ.

That's when I realized I have a serious problem. I can't write papers now unless I procrastinate. It has to be very close to the deadline, and when I get there all of the sudden I can focus, I stop caring about who likes what status on Facebook, I stop checking my email, checking the news...I just go off adrenaline (somehow my body turns adrenaline into some natural form of Ritalin), and I go to town

When I was young I procrastinated because I wanted to. Now I procrastinate because I have to. Oh woe is me. What a horrible problem to have. My problem must have gone undiagnosed for so long because I've never tried to write a paper so early (the day before it's due) before. Now that I have tried, I realize that I procrastinate by necessity, not choice.

I'm going to try to write a paper the day before it's due again, but I don't expect it will work very well.

I just wish the muse of writing wasn't such a finicky wench. Anyway, I hope everyone can sympathize with my horrible.....

[checks email ]

...disability. And I also hope everyone will stop....

[looks up the Wikipedia page for the Notre Dame cathedral]

...making fun of me for putting papers off.

I really do have a problem.