This is Water

Hey everyone,

So, I'm home right now. Things have been pretty great the last few days. The drive wasn't so bad cause I had the Munchkin with me. We sang songs, listened to phat tunes, and tried (and eventually gave up trying) to listen to Twilight.

When I got home Bean freaked out so much...it was really cute. She threw herself on the floor and made sounds almost like she was crying. Then she got so excited she started to sneeze.

My brothers came over and we sat around and talked for a while. I sometimes forget how good it is to talk to them.

I got to meet the Munchkin's boyfriend (he was over at our place to see her within an hour (he was really suffering the few days she was gone)). He seems like a really good guy. I can tell he's crazy about my sister and that he's trying his hardest to make her happy....so I'm cool with him. Maybe I should be more protective, but I've never been that sort of big brother; I really trust the Munchkin's judgment. Anyone she likes is cool with me.

Lately I've been thinking about a commencement speech given by David Foster Wallace. The speech was given in 2005 or 2006. A year or so ago some publisher took the speech and made a book out of it (probably to capitalize on the interest generated by his death). The book you can find the speech in is called This is Water.

Here is the full speech if you'd like to read it: This is Water (I really recommend reading it if you have the time, it's not that long really).

Anyway, the speech starts off with a story. The story goes like this:

"There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says "Morning, boys. How's the water?" And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes "What the hell is water?"

He then goes on to say "the point of the fish story is merely that the most obvious important realities are often the ones that are hardest to see and talk about."

Wallace then argues that an education helps us to recognize the water. An education helps us to see new ways of viewing the world that we aren't naturally disposed to, and then it helps us to decide which ones have merit and which ones do not. As we do this we learn what is meaningful.

He then goes on to say (and this is just the last few paragraphs of the speech)

"This, I submit, is the freedom of a real education, of learning how to be well-adjusted. You get to consciously decide what has meaning and what doesn't. You get to decide what to worship.

Because here's something else that's weird but true: in the day-to-day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And the compelling reason for maybe choosing some sort of god or spiritual-type thing to worship--be it JC or Allah, be it YHWH or the Wiccan Mother Goddess, or the Four Noble Truths, or some inviolable set of ethical principles--is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive. If you worship money and things, if they are where you tap real meaning in life, then you will never have enough, never feel you have enough. It's the truth. Worship your body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly. And when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally grieve you. On one level, we all know this stuff already. It's been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, epigrams, parables; the skeleton of every great story. The whole trick is keeping the truth up front in daily consciousness.

Worship power, you will end up feeling weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to numb you to your own fear. Worship your intellect, being seen as smart, you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out. But the insidious thing about these forms of worship is not that they're evil or sinful, it's that they're unconscious. They are default settings.

They're the kind of worship you just gradually slip into, day after day, getting more and more selective about what you see and how you measure value without ever being fully aware that that's what you're doing.

And the so-called real world will not discourage you from operating on your default settings, because the so-called real world of men and money and power hums merrily along in a pool of fear and anger and frustration and craving and worship of self. Our own present culture has harnessed these forces in ways that have yielded extraordinary wealth and comfort and personal freedom. The freedom all to be lords of our tiny skull-sized kingdoms, alone at the centre of all creation. This kind of freedom has much to recommend it. But of course there are all different kinds of freedom, and the kind that is most precious you will not hear much talk about much in the great outside world of wanting and achieving.... The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways every day.

That is real freedom. That is being educated, and understanding how to think. The alternative is unconsciousness, the default setting, the rat race, the constant gnawing sense of having had, and lost, some infinite thing.

I know that this stuff probably doesn't sound fun and breezy or grandly inspirational the way a commencement speech is supposed to sound. What it is, as far as I can see, is the capital-T Truth, with a whole lot of rhetorical niceties stripped away. You are, of course, free to think of it whatever you wish. But please don't just dismiss it as just some finger-wagging Dr Laura sermon. None of this stuff is really about morality or religion or dogma or big fancy questions of life after death.

The capital-T Truth is about life BEFORE death.

It is about the real value of a real education, which has almost nothing to do with knowledge, and everything to do with simple awareness; awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us, all the time, that we have to keep reminding ourselves over and over:

"This is water."

"This is water."

Shared Blog Post

Hello everyone,
Well, first off here's the update. I didn't have to ostracize Munchkin because I was able to get out of doing my final. Woohoo! So, that was a good thing. Today we did lots of random things. We got some food, went to a guitar luthier, saw a movie and stuff.

Now, we're waiting for FHE to start (I would bail but I gotta go cause it's my calling).

So, as we wait, we're going to co-author a blog. We will each write 5 words and then pass it off to the other...let's see how this goes.

Hello, my name is Karynne / the previous statement was false / just kidding lol I am/ I apologize for Danny's lies/ by lies I mean truth./ I'm going to let this / end cause I'm really dumb / im in the game again/ oh hey, welcome back sister/ i am not dumb, jerk / I didn't write that--framed/ jiminy cricket disagrees quite passionately./ Who cares? He's a grasshopper/ when learning wisdom one is called grasshopper/ before wisdom, learn to count/ Crap, you noticed. My bad./ there are three kinds of/ people in this world, those/ who can count and those/ who can not. i can./.. count past 100, I'm smart/ my brother however can not/ count infinite sets very well./ simpler concepts escape his grasp/ (if grasping infinity is simple)/simpler as in addition problems./..like adding to his awesomeness./ or his already inflated ego./ (which is admittedly quite deserved)/excellent demonstration of his arrogance./(which I find totally justified)/Danny, therein lies your problem./

Okay, the game is over. I think all we accomplished was sounding like a schizophrenic. Oh well, have a great day.

Munchkin

A few weeks ago my dad told me to make sure I was home on the 11th. Since my dad is an honorable man I agreed. He said that a package would be delivered and that I'd really need to be there to receive it. I wasn't sure at first if he was sending something illegal (which would explain why he needed me to be there to receive it (cause one of my law abiding roommate might have been bothered by the contraband)). Or maybe he needed me to be there because the package contained so much awesomeness that I needed to be there for it, cause any moment without the package would be so inferior to a moment with the package that, by comparison, every moment without the package would be sad, deficient, and pointless.

Well, as I said, I decided to wait it up. Unfortunately the package didn't arrive during the day. I called my dad that night to check with him to see if he could get the routing number. He said "oh, dont' worry, it will probably still be delivered tonight." I told him "I doubt it, even if it's en route it will probably go to some local distribution center and be delivered tomorrow." He said "oh no, they are on holiday hours, it will get there."

I was doubtful but then he said "if it's not there in an hour give me a call."

So, I waited a bit, then I went into my room. I would like to say I started cleaning my room while I waited...but that would be a total lie. I really was just laying back and checking my email (from my last post you're probably aware that I do that frequently....perhaps obsessively). I called someone to see if they'd like to go shopping later cause I needed to buy a Christmas present for Sister#1 (aka Katie). Right after I hung up the phone my roommate yelled to me and said "hey Dan, come out really fast." I never really talk to this particular roommate (he's the guy the spider booby traps were set for a few posts ago) so I was surprised he asked me to come out. Once I came out the door I looked over and there was......The MUNCHKIN! She was the package my dad was talking about. Turns out she decided to fly our here and surprise me.

Now, I was really surprised but I guess I don't show surprise very well because I was told I just looked confused. But I was surprised. It was so great to see her. So, we're gonna drive back to California together.

The munchkin and I went to dinner and talked for a bit. Then, came back to my pad (that's cool college liingo for apartment) and watched funny youtube videos that I'd been collecting. As she left she asked me if I was surprised. She said "are you glad I'm here?" I said "Of course! why do you even need to ask? " She then said "well, you seemed more confused than surprised." And I said "That was my surprised face. I guess I'm not very expressive...but that's probably the same face you would have seen if a unicorn walked through my door."

So, we got the munchkin in Provo for the next few days. She needs to leave by the 15th cause she has work (and a flying squirrel she purchased should be arriving that day and she'd like to be there to greet the little guy). I guess I'll be leaving Provo sooner than expected. I was actually supposed to go on another one of those blind dates on Tuesday night so I guess I got a great excuse to get out of that one.

Oh, and other things we've done. We bought some hot chocolate and chocolate crackers and then bit off corners from the cookies and used them as straws...then the chocolate melts the cookie from the inside and you eat it and it melts in your mouth (and sometimes your hand). This is a really fun thing to do when it's cold. I really recommend it. The funny thing was the munchkin couldn't really do it right at first. But, she eventually got it.

We also walked around BYU. I showed her all the cool places (using the word cool liberally).

That's about it for last night. Today we woke up and then went to get French toast at Kneaders. It was really crazy there, very busy. But it was goode food. We went shopping for some Christmas presents...and then I had to go to a thing for school (I have finals and it's gonna be hard to get anything done with munchkin here...but it's not like I study anyway (although I do have to write 2 papers by Monday)).

It's been really great to have her here. Hopefully I'll be able to just write the papers sometime tonight when everyone else is asleep. It's not like I sleep all that much anyway.

Well, I better stop blogging. We must find something entertaining to do.

Cheerio.

I Have a Problem

Okay, I definitely have a problem. Early in my career as a student I put off writing papers because I was lazy. Now I put off papers cause I have to. Sounds crazy, but it's true.

I had a paper due this morning. I figured I better get a start on it yesterday (which is really early for me). So, I went to the Provo library and went to my little corner and started writing...or at least I tried to. As I sat there I realized that I hadn't checked my email in 3 minutes...so I did that. Then I noticed that I had missed a message from a friend...so I read that and responded. Then I realized that I still hadn't found the perfect ugly Christmas sweater...so I checked online for that.

I sat at the computer for at least an hour before I started thinking about what my paper would be on. When I finally tried to start writing....writer's block. I just couldn't get the sentences to fit together. Everything seemed horrible the moment I typed it.

So, I started to drift off. I listened to the guy behind me talk on the phone for a while (I guess he's trying to tap into his 401k early to pay for Christmas presents (priorities really out of whack)). I noticed that the lady in front of me had a broken arm so we talked about how she broke it for a while. I noticed how the lady next to me smelled really bad (she smelled like dirt, urine, and tree bark), I don't think she bathed very often. And then I went back to typing....but I still had writer's block.

As I started at my computer screen I noticed the temperature was 7 degrees. Oh no! that just won't do. If it's 7 degrees I gotta drink hot chocolate...so I drove home and made some hot chocolate. But of course my roommates were watching a movie (Stranger Than Fiction (which incidentally is on my top 10 movie list)), so I felt obliged to watch it with them.

When the movie was over it was about 8. I decided to drive to BYU and work there...just lock myself away and write. Unfortunately, I still had writer's block, so I decided to check my email 5 more times. No emails. Oh well, I'll write now....oh man, still have writer's block.

I decide that my problem is I must be tired so I decide to go to bed. Unfortunately it's about 1 in the morning, I haven't written a single sentence, and I now have a 10 page paper due the next morning (actually that morning) at 9:30. I go to bed anyway and set my alarm for 5. I wake up at 5 and then tell myself that I'd rather fail the class than leave my warm bed...so I sleep for another hour. At 6 I wake up and start writing...and then the same thing happened that happens every time I put a paper off till the last minute--the muse of writing just smacks me upside the head and I start putting out a paper like gangbusters.

I wrote all 10 pages of the paper by 8:00. I even had time to shower and all of that (which normally doesn't happen on a procrastinated paper morning).

Because of my wild success I got a little cocky and started taking my time...unfortunately I was destined to have printer problems. I ended up printing my paper off the BYU server. When I finally got the paper printed I sprinted to class to find out that no one was there. I guess the teacher had let everyone off early after collecting the papers. Luckily there was a kid in the class with his computer and I had him look up the professor's office#. I went to his office and talked to him for a while. After I had developed a good enough report to annoy him I handed him my paper. He accepted it for full credit. I talked with him a bit more and then walked out...feeling like a champ.

That's when I realized I have a serious problem. I can't write papers now unless I procrastinate. It has to be very close to the deadline, and when I get there all of the sudden I can focus, I stop caring about who likes what status on Facebook, I stop checking my email, checking the news...I just go off adrenaline (somehow my body turns adrenaline into some natural form of Ritalin), and I go to town

When I was young I procrastinated because I wanted to. Now I procrastinate because I have to. Oh woe is me. What a horrible problem to have. My problem must have gone undiagnosed for so long because I've never tried to write a paper so early (the day before it's due) before. Now that I have tried, I realize that I procrastinate by necessity, not choice.

I'm going to try to write a paper the day before it's due again, but I don't expect it will work very well.

I just wish the muse of writing wasn't such a finicky wench. Anyway, I hope everyone can sympathize with my horrible.....

[checks email ]

...disability. And I also hope everyone will stop....

[looks up the Wikipedia page for the Notre Dame cathedral]

...making fun of me for putting papers off.

I really do have a problem.

Ugly Christmas Sweaters

Hello everyone,

So, today I was set up on another blind date. This is the 5th one in two weeks. I'm not sure if I just have a pathetic "help me" look about me or something, but I've had a lot of girls come up to me and say "I think you'd really enjoy going on a date with my friend (insert name here)."

I've never really known what to make of girls setting you up on a blind date. Is that a compliment or an insult? I mean, in one way it's a compliment because she trusts you, and she thinks highly enough of you to set you up with a friend (if it is indeed a friend). On the other hand you gotta wonder why they want to set you up with someone else. I mean, if I met a girl I thought was worth dating, I wouldn't try to set her up with one of my friends...I'd try to date her myself. And if a guy tries to set you up with a girl, you gotta wonder the same thing. Why doesn't he want to date her?

The only time when it's a compliment is when the person setting you up is in a relationship or married. Then you understand why they don't want to date you (or date the person they're setting you up with if they're a guy) and all they're really saying is they think highly enough of you to set you up with a friend.

Anyway, blind dates are kinda like tracting on your mission: you never have much success but it's where all your good stories come from. To demonstrate this, here are some silly things that happened during last week's blind dates.

I went on one blind date that was a double. I didn't know either girl. My roommate John knew both of them. We paired off by height and I took the taller girl (she was taller than my roommate John (who I think liked the short girl anyway)). We went dancing and it was pretty fun. After dancing we went to get dinner. Now, one girl had to go to the bathroom, so of course both of them went. The weird thing was they were in there for at least 10 minutes.

I don't know what was going on in there. I think it might have been a mid-date conference or something. Both girls said they were having a lot of fun on the date quite a few times. It was as if they were saying this in surprise...like they expected the date to go bad or something. I'd never met them before (or even heard of them) so I don't know why their expectations seemed low. Maybe John said something to give them the impression it wouldn't be fun.

Anyway, they go off to the bathroom to confer and do whatever it is girls do in the bathroom for 10 minutes. I get bored really easily so I started decorating where my date sat. We went to In N Out so I first took a placemat and set it for her. Then I took her food off the tray and layed it out symmetrically. I put the drink on the right, burger in the middle, fries on the left to balance out the drink (looked sorta like the Mickey Mouse logo). Then I put those little ketchup cups in a pattern surrounding the placemat. This took me about 4 minutes and I had about 6 minutes to go so I kept on working. The next step was to make a ketchup tower. This is accomplished by putting down a ketchup cup, getting two french fried and placing them over the cup to make a platform, then putting another cup on top of the fries. Then more french fries and so on. I was able to make it to about 5 stories before the structure became unstable. Fortunately, about the time my tower began to fall apart the girls came back from their sabbatical and we could finally eat dinner.

As we talked a bit I found out that John's date was only 19. John is 30 so I found this pretty funny. I'm not sure why but I became curious about how many things from my childhood she'd completely missed. I found out the following:

The girl had never seen Star Wars.
She had never watched Goonies.
She had never seen Top Gun.
She didn't know the cartoons Dark Wing Duck, Duck Tales, Talespin, Rescue Rangers etc.
She had never heard of Guns N Roses.
She was too young to pay attention to the OJ trial.
She was in elementary school during the September 11 attacks (I was driving to a music theory class at the local college when it happened).

Basically, this girl is from a different generation. John is older than me so he really must have had age shock. Well, he probably knew this before the date cause he knew who the girls were. Maybe I was the only person shocked by this.

As I was on that date I realized that I frequently do silly things on dates when I'm not interested in the girl. Maybe I just do this cause I want to have fun and I'm not going to have fun because of the relationship between me and them...but for whatever reason, when I'm bored weird things happen. Here are some examples from other dates that happened last week.

On one of them the girl was trying to figure out whether to take a job in San Diego or stay in Utah. She spent a good portion of the date just working over that decision. Now, I'm not against talking about important things, but I really didn't know this girl and I really didn't want to play life coach. But, she kept on talking about it so I joined in. As I listened to more of the details I became interested in the decision.

The funny thing was how easily she changed her mind. I could list some positive things about one choice, make an argument for why it was a good idea and then she'd say "yeah, that's what I'm going to do...I'm certain." Then I'd get bored and switch to the other side and argue for the other view and she'd say "you know what, you're right, I should probably do the other thing." And then once that was done I took the other side....I kept doing this till I realized that she might be going crazy. So, I told her she probably shouldn't listen to anything I said on the matter cause it's totally her choice. She then asked what I would do, she said she'd do that. Now, I really didn't want that kind of responsibility on a blind date, so I deferred, but I did try to help her organize her thoughts and see the strengths of either choice. I guess it was nice to help someone, it just wasn't what I was expecting for that night. But, I guess it went well because she said it was the best advice she'd received (which is kinda weird). Anyway, this was a weird date because I became a career counselor (and a very contrary one at that).

On another blind date we went to an ice cream shop. When I was there I used a maneuver that Garett had taught me. What you do is this.... you drink your shake, but you make sure you get whipped cream on your nose. Then you pretend the whipped cream isn't there and try to have a serious conversation. If you can keep a straight face it's hilarious as you watch the girl's eyes constantly drop down to your nose. Some girls will tell you right out that you have something on your nose. Other girls make a brushing gesture to kind of hint that you should wipe your nose. Other girls straight up tell you. Some girls wait a few minutes and when they realize you're not going to catch on they tell you. Either way it's a pretty fun social experiment, but it should only be done when you really don't care how the date goes and you're just trying to pass the time.

Actually, having food on one's face reminds me of a classic scene in Better Off Dead. To watch the proper scene go into the video about 1 minute 55 seconds (it's a long clip so I don't recommend watching the entire thing).



Anyway, that's about it. The other two dates were relatively normal. On that note, I'm kind of getting sick of dating. I've been doing it for so long and I just don't really try anymore. I think maybe I'm just burnt out from doing a date a week for so long. In the last 4 years I have only met 3 girls I really enjoyed dating--that's really bad odds...that's a lot of dates I didn't want to be on. I really wish it wasn't so rare to find a girl I enjoy dating...it makes it so things fall apart with the girls I do like cause I just don't have any experience with caring. Also, it gives the girls I do like way too much power over me..that whole limited supply high demand thing.

Oh well, I guess things will pick up eventually. I've just had a bad run lately is all. I guess this is partly my fault because the there was one girl who things were going really well with, but I found a personality quirk that I just couldn't tolerate and jumped ship...maybe I'm too picky.

Well, I better stop typing. This is two posts in 2 days...I'm an animal. Oh, and the title of this post is cause I've decided to buy a some really ugly Christmas sweaters. I'm still shopping for the perfect one. I'm gonna wear them everywhere. If anyone knows where they can be purchased please let me know.

Hope you're all having a wonderful day and getting prepped for Christmas!

B.S.

Hello,

Today's post is on B.S. The major text I will use for reference is a short book called "On Bullshit," by Harry Frankfurt. Because of the sensibilities of some, for the remainder of this post I will use the acronym B.S. even when the text really says... B.S.

The first sentence of Frankfurt's book says, "One of the most salient features of our culture is the prevalence of B.S." That sentence sets the stage...now lets get to it.

One problem with B.S. is that no one really knows what it is. We take it for granted that it's everywhere, but we really don't analyze or define it. In Frankfurt's book he tries to do this--he tries to analyze B.S. and to come up with a theory that explains its function, use, and definition.

So let's begin by figuring out what B.S. is. Most people think of B.S. as lying, but that's not exactly true. Here's why:

When someone tells a lie, they know the truth..cause if they they didn't know the truth it wouldn't be a lie (it would just be a mistake or something). In order to lie, someone first needs to know the truth, then deliberately misrepresent it.

B.S. is something altogether different. B.S. is about conveying a certain impression of oneself. It's about presentation, not substance. Someone can even B.S. while telling the truth...what makes B.S B.S. is that, when you B.S. you don't care about the truth...when you B.S. all you care about is how others perceive you.

When guys sit around a BBQ and tell stories they usually B.S... When guys and girls talk to each other they usually B.S....And why?--because in these instances people are concerned more with appearing cool, polite, kind, smooth, witty,etc. rather than conveying the truth.

So with all of that said..here is a concise definition of B.S. : B.S. is speech unconcerned with truth intended to cultivate a desired impression in others.

So far I've only referenced harmless examples of B.S. With our new definition let's now look at how damaging B.S. can be...and lets start with B.S. in politics.

If you're watching politics you're watching B.S...a good politician (using the word "good" loosely here) is one that is well liked. Politicians are well liked when they don't take a stand...the less they say the less they'll offend. So, if a politician can say nothing, but seem like they're saying something they're happy. Because politicians want to look like they're saying something truthful and substantial, but they don't really care about saying anything truthful or substantial--politicians are full of B.S.

The question we must now ask now is which is worse...B.S. or lying? Most people say lying, Why? Probably because lies intentionally mislead people. I, however, disagree with this. I think B.S. is worse (and so does Frankfurt). B.S. is worse because, unlike lies, B.S. doesn't even acknowledge the existence of truth...in B.S. truth is irrelevant. This is a serious problem.

This is a serious problem because, as you consistently B.S. you begin to lose your grasp of the truth. In time you don't even know what's true anymore. A lie acknowledges the truth even as it contradicts it, but B.S. goes a step further and erodes one's consciousness of truth.

One question we probably should ask ourselves is why we all B.S. so much. Frankfurt argues that we B.S. so much because we feel obligated to appear knowledgeable in so many subjects. In work and school and everything else we're given difficult questions that we often don't know the answers to...so we B.S. to get by. When high demands are made of us...our B.S. rises to the occasion.

Anyway, that's about all I gotta say. I think B.S. is something we all need to work on...anyone who says otherwise is probably full of it.

Procrastinating/Sleep Talking/Kissing

Hey everyone,

So, I'm putting off writing a paper. I decided to see what was going on in blogland and I noticed that over 2000 people have visited my blog now (since July). Woohoo!

Here is a motivational poster about blogging...there is a lot of truth in it:




Thanks for reading (especially when my last few posts have been quite long...but on that topic I have recently set a hard cap on posts so, from now on, no post will ever go past 2,000 words... I mean, that last "Update" post was a bit ridiculous...it was over 2.9k words and it covered topics ranging from dinosaurs to Thanksgiving dinner...so, yeah, I'll do better)

Well, before I go I'm just gonna quickly write about talking in your sleep. My roommate John is a serious sleep-talker. It's pretty funny. He's not embarrassed about it so it's okay for me to post on this. Anyway, the night before last I was about to go to bed and this is what I heard....

"oh yeah take this!"

(Karate sounds (he went huyah, huyah )

Then he said:

"Ha! You will never defeat me."

Yeah, that really happened.

John has some other sleep-talking stories but I think I posted them before. If not, let me know and I'll dig them up. I started writing them down so I wouldn't forget them (when I fall asleep I usually forget what he says).

Oh, and here is something I've been thinking about lately: kissing.

Here's my problem. I'm trying to figure out how people use the word kiss. Here is what I got...

People say give a kiss: regular kissing

People say steal a kiss: a quick kiss, usually as you're leaving.

Blow a kiss: kiss hand and then blow it to the person.

Frog kiss: this one is classified.

Share a kiss: this one doesn't make much sense to me. Cause after a kiss you can say "I got a kiss, and they can say "I got a kiss" but if there was only one kiss, and you shared it, you really only walked away with half a kiss. I think it's more accurate to say "I got half a kiss," but oh well.

Anyway, these are the typical ways the word kiss is used. As you can see, almost all of these phrases assume that kisses are a transferable commodity--with substance and location. After all, you can share them, you can blow them off your hand, you can steal them....sounds transferable to me. So, with that in mind, I think we should all figure out new phrases to describe kissing using other terms that describe the re-allocation of goods.

For example:

Since we have "give a kiss" I think we need "take a kiss." This would probably be a very demanding kiss or a kiss that someone didn't want to give (strange that this has a more negative connotation than stealing).

Kiss on loan: this would probably be the: I'm not sure if I like the person yet, or if I feel enough to actually kiss them, but I'm going to kiss them now with the thought that later I'll feel like kissing them.

Barter a kiss: this one is horrible, but I think it happens more than we'd like to admit. I once knew a guy who said "with how much I spent on dinner she better kiss me." This statement I think captures the essence of barter kisses....and it's bothering my moral compass so I'm going to move on.

Kiss on layaway: You tell someone you'll give them a kiss when you see them again.....so I guess the person can come back into town and pick it up at their convenience.

Rent a kiss: I'm not sure what to do with this one. Maybe (and this is a stretch) we could make this one work by saying that when people rent they sometimes rent with an option to buy. So, to take that one step further, to rent a kiss is to get with someone, kiss them, but not fully commit...to keep your options open in case something better comes along. Yeah, that's all I got. I would appreciate some help on this one.

Negotiate a kiss: This one could happen when someone says something like "well, I didn't really plan anything for tonight, so, we could watch a movie, sit bored on the couch, watch youtube videos...or kiss. What? You don't want to kiss? Why not? We might as well. What are your concerns? What are you bringing to the table? Oh, I see, well, how about we just share a kiss...that's only half a kiss anyone so it's only half bad...."

Donate a kiss: This is probably when you feel bad for someone so you kiss them on the cheek or something.

Debt kiss: I owe you a kiss...this one actually could go on the regular list.

Refund a kiss: this one could be problematic. You kiss someone, they don't like it, so they ask for a refund, that means they have to return the kiss. Or, it could be someone kisses you, you don't like it, so you have to kiss them. Either way, a kiss refund leads toward you doing something you don't want to do. What will be really bad is when you break up with someone. If they want a full refund you could be busy for a while.

Save a kiss: I think this one would be when you don't kiss someone right away, but instead you save it, and put it in the bank to accrue interest. You then wait for the perfect moment...on top of the Eiffel tower or something, and then kiss them and enjoy the increased net worth together.

Recycle a kiss: This is when you kiss someone, you move on, kiss someone else, and then for whatever reason (perhaps loneliness), you regress back to the person you kissed before.

Okay, I'm going to get back to my paper. If you think of any new ones let me know.