I'm Lame

Okay, so today I finally sent in my federal tax return.

When I got to the point where I was going through the pre-mailing checklist I noticed that it clearly said to "attach" the W2 form to the other documentation.

(Going to change tense now for narrative effect)

Ever obedient, I realize simply mailing the documents together is not an option and I begin searching for some means of securing the W2 to my 1040 paperwork.

My first thought is to use a stapler, but I figure that the men in suits will probably separate the documents, and removing staples causes tearing. So, being the considerate guy I am, I decide that a paper clip is the way to go.

I look everywhere, but there are no paper clips to be found.

At this point the stapler seems attractive.

I get the stapler.... it's out of staples. That won't work.

I look around the room in frustration and my eyes finally rest upon a bobby pin lying on the ground. I figure that's just about as good as a paper clip so I attach my W2 to the tax return with a hair accessory.

I address the envelope and am about to mail the return when I notice that the bobby clip's tips angle outward (for ease in gathering hair together). Just as a test, I push on the envelope where the angled tips are and they start to push through.

Frustrated, I stare at the envelope. I'm loath to open it since it's already sealed, but I also don't want punctures in the letter I've worked so hard to prepare....so I peel back the flap of the envelope and assess the situation.

I decide to modify the bobby pin.

I get my toolbox,find my diagonals, and cut the tips off the bobby pin.

Now I have a very strange and femininely colored bobby pin (my bobby pin is hot pink) about an inch and a half long attaching my return to my W2.

It looks sorta cute.

I figure this will work and I place the whole package back in the envelope.

Unfortunately, due to my reopening the letter, the sticky film on the envelope is now ruined.

I decide I better tape the letter closed.

Sadly, I can't find any clear tape. The best I can find is some packaging tape on an industrial-size roller.

I use the blade attached to the roller to cut off a piece of tape about 4 inches long. But, the blade cuts unevenly.

This bothers me.

I try to find some scissors to straighten the edge....but no scissors are to be found.

I look around for a while. I see a butcher's knife. I use this to chop off the tape and place it on my envelope. I smile wryly at the thought of how silly I must look chopping a small piece of tape with a huge butcher's knife.

I finally mail my return.

I know there are over 100 million people filing this year, but I doubt any of them struggled to attach their W2s to their 1040s as much as I did.

It's the little things that make us feel special.