Engagement Story

I woke up this morning to find an email detailing a very ridiculous engagement story. The story went something like this:

Guy puts ring in girl's milk shake.

Guy challenges girl to milk shake eating contest.

Girl takes contest seriously.

While eating milkshake girl eats ring.

Guy gets worried when she finishes shake and there's no ring in her cup.

Trip to E.R.

Find ring in X-ray.

Everyone is happy, she eats extra fiber, and the ring arrives a day or so later.

Final line of the article paraphrased: "If they can survive this, their marriage will survive anything."

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Okay, so first off, the ring was the real survivor in that story...not their relationship.

Second, I can't help but think this was a bad omen. Did they just clean the ring off and put it on her finger? Someday as she lovingly reaches out her left hand and brushes his face isn't he going to think "That's the ring that was in her poop... now it's touching my face. Awesome."

I think they should have traded the ring in together and then picked out another. I don't see why they were so excited (or at least they appeared to be in the article) about their experience.

Also, if he really loved her he would have dug through her poop for her. That would have been true love. A real test of commitment She could never question his love after that. Also, if they're writing their own vows they could throw something like "in sickness and in...." well, you get the idea.

Who proposes by putting a ring in a milkshake, anyway? That's a bad idea. The best possible scenario is that she sees the ring and then puts a sticky sugary ring on her finger...which can't feel good. The worst scenario is that she chips a tooth on the thing...or she eats it. Not worth it.

My thinking is that the ring in the shake is a Mormon homage to the classic ring in the champagne glass. But the difference is that champagne is clear enough that you can see the ring at the bottom of the glass. Shakes....not so much.

This dudes best bet would have been sticking the ring in a Martinelli's.

Oh, and why on earth would you challenge someone to a speed eating contest when you want them to find something in their food?

There is just so much failure in this story.

I know what you're thinking now....."I'd like to see you think of something better."

My answer to that is "It wouldn't be hard to do better...but it might be a challenge to think of something worse."

Ben Franklin Method: Take the girl flying a kite in a thunderstorm. But, instead of using a key to diffuse the lightning, use the engagement ring.

Kidnapper method: Break into her house (or apartment) at night, throw her into the trunk of your car and drive to the desert. Then, open the trunk, cut her bindings, and wait for her on bended knee. When she finally lifts the dark hood from her head the first thing she'll is her loving (fingers crossed) fiancé. How romantic is that?

The dead body proposal: Have someone call the girl and say that you've died in a car crash along with your immediate family, that she's your emergency contact, and that she's needed to identify your body.

Go to the morgue with ring in hand.

Have the mortician (who's in on this of course) take her to the back to identify the body. When he pulls back the sheet covering your supposedly dead body you reach out your hand (containing the engagement ring) ...as if from beyond the grave.

Or, you could have the mortician say "We found this engagement ring on the body, do you know anything about it?" As she gets even sadder (because now she's lost a fiancé in addition to a boyfriend) you jump up and say "Tadaa!"....then propose.

I know, Romantic right?

The melodramatic: Have two boxes. Tell her to pick one. The inscription on box one reads: "a happy life together." The other box's inscription: "Plan B." In the first box place an engagement ring. In the second....a gun.

Top of a mountain: pretty obvious....propose on a mountain, but if she says "no" you're in real trouble...cause now you gotta walk all the way down the mountain together,,, and if she said "no" I can't help but think conversation would be awkward.

Lord of the Rings proposal: Watch the entire trilogy together. During a bathroom break step outside and dress up like Gandalf. Come back inside, take a knee, and invite her to be your ringbearer...now you can start a whole new "fellowship of the ring."

Fishing: Take her fishing and use her ring as a sinker. Pretend she has a bite and tell her to reel it in. When she sees the ring at the end of her line pretend she caught it in the lake. Declare it a divine manifestation you should be together.

Action movie: Have someone you know dressed in black bump into her, snatch her purse, and run away. You chase him down, heroically knock him unconscious in a scuffle, and retrieve her purse. As you search the "criminal" for identification you find the man had recently robbed a jewelry store (you plant a bunch of fake jewelry on him). As you sort through the fake jewelry you "find" your engagement ring. You grab the ring and say "So, he had this on him...wanna get hitched?"

The honest approach: Take a knee and say, "Hopefully this conflict diamond is the only conflict we'll ever have in our marriage."

Telephone: You remember that old game of telephone...you know, the one where you connect two cups with a string? Well, put a ring on the string and shake the string until the ring makes it to her end. The first thing you say into the cup is "will you marry me?"

Maybe I'll come up with more bad ideas later. I think this enough for now. Hope you all have a wonderful day!

p.s. I just thought of a better way of doing the proposal from the original story.

What if the guy had a fake X-ray made up of a ring in his stomach? He could complain about pain and ask the girl to take him to the hospital. The doctor (who is in on it) could then put the X-ray up on the wall and stare at it. He could point to the ring and say "Well, I think that's your problem..what do you think it is?" Depending on the intelligence of the girl a lot of explanation might not be necessary.

When the ring is discovered you take a knee and give her a substitute ring. You can say something thoughtful like "You're going to carry my children inside of you, the very least I can do is carry your ring inside of me."

Wow, that's terrible.